Go Vikes! another win.  I actually only listened to the last 10 minutes but it
sounded exciting (if you are a Viking fan) I went to Sunday service then
had a Trans Ministry meeting (which included Pizza! - I love Pizza)
the I went over to the James Ford Bell Museum at the U of M, which
is free on Sundays.   I took a few phone photos to illustrate what a cool
museum this is.  I wore my navy blue pencil skirt, deep purple blouse,
and black pumps.

The big news right now is my prescription for hormones ran out yesterday,
so I had nothing to take this morning. Hopefully I'll get this sorted out Monday.
if not I might have to change the title of the blog to "Who's the old guy?"
but like you can see from the top photos so far the damage is minimal

Last night's gig went well and I'm going to go cash that check -it's small,
but any cash helps now.  I may be dressed Monday (if I can arrange
an interview) I'll certainly be dressed Tuesday for an interview then I'll
man the phone banks for MNUnited against the stupid amendment.

I am approaching exactly 1 year of dressing and going out in public,
so on Oct 8th I'm going to republish the initial blog  (from my old,
deceased blog - Transformative Honeymoons) about going out
for the first time and just before that I'm going to post a simplified
guide summarizing how I'd go about getting the clothes and makeup
and all that if I was to do it again with the benefit of what I know now
(I'm not saying I'm an expert or anything, I'm just going to post how
I would go about dressing up and going out, knowing what I know now)

I can't sleep - my hormone prescription run outs today until the insurance
issue is settled and hopefully that's early this upcoming week, and I am
setting up an interview with a recruiter for a position -we're going to have
a face to face interview, so I have to decide when I'm on the phone with
her whether to tell her I'm wearing a skirt to the interview or whether to just
show up and let her see this when I get there.  I've pretty much decided to show
up and if she wants to talk about clothes, well that's OK but it's not very relevant
to the job and the job is what I want to talk about.

anyways - I was in drab yesterday and in drab today - but I'll be dressed up for
church on Sunday -today I'm going to a Sat morning jam then I have a paying
gig tonight- yeah.

yesterday I did the annual fall colors trip with my parents which is literally
a family tradition, and as it is a family tradition it must be performed exactly
as described, in the exact sequence as described and as such I wanted to
document it for my own memory (NB -technically it should take place on the
weekend closest to Oct 15th which in our tradition is always the peak of fall
colors, but I am hoping to be working by then so we went a couple weeks
early)
So the first step is to take my mom and dad and the dog and drive a little
over an hour to St Croix Falls and take the paddle boat tour (the paddle boat
allows leashed dogs) -because of low water in the river the tour is 45 minutes
now but normally it is 90 minutes and here are some pictures off my phone:

net on the agenda is to pull out of Interchange park and make a wrong turn then turn
around and go the other way and head over the river to Wisconsin and drive
down to a park overlooking a hydroelectric dam on the St Croix river:

 Next is to drive a bit further down the river to a landing that is totally out of the way and
really in the middle of nowhere - but years ago my father would take our last dog here and let
her run around and take a long hike -now of course he's in a wheel chair and Casey passed
away about 6 years ago, and he can't get very far in the wheelchair on a rough trail, but
it's tradition, and it's kind of a nice tradition even if  now it's just pulling into a parking lot
in the middle of nowhere and making a brief stop there -it's called Spangler's Landing:

Finally we stop at the St Croix Dairy Queen drive thru get large Snicker's blizzards,
and a vanilla puppy cup for the dog, and eat the Blizzard on the drive home

6 or 7 hours later I'm home and just too tired to get all dolled up and go out, so I called
it a day.

Like I said it's tradition -the last three years were exactly the same and hopefully the
next few years will be exactly the same

that's me about two years ago and that's me now -I just got a message from
the pharmacy that they are denying my prescription for the hormones.
The insurance is not willing to pay for it because the dosage was changed
by the doctor. I started on hormones a couple months ago and it's like f*#k
what do I do now, with out the prescription?
They're going to call my doctor - but I don't know what's going on,
I mean initially, I was supposed to go on a low dosage to see that I could handle
the medicine before increasing it -now the insurance is denying the increased
dosage the doctor recommends and f*#k! - the low dosage isn't going to do anything
so there's no point staying on the low dosage.

To top it off , rather than calling my cell phone they called my parents
phone number (I guess because it's listed as an emergency contact) but
f*#k - I told my mom several months ago that I would be going on hormones,
but I didn't tell her when I actually started, partly because I wanted to have the
option to change my mind if I didn't think it was the right thing to do when
I got into it, and partly because while she's supported me on this to some
extent it's not a 100% support and some things are my business honestly.
anyways, what an effing mess.

I got dressed up in my brown skirt, purple top, and brown ankle high
booties and drove to the church for a Wednesday night session on Homosexuality
in the Bible which was interesting and I was in a good mood until I got
hit with this - f*#k! nothing I can do about it tonight.

Update - I haven't heard anything back yet on the prescription, but I do have
an interview scheduled for Tuesday and the pay is really good - this will be
my 2nd interview where I am showing up in a skirt and the 2nd time I'm not
telling them I'm showing up in a skirt - and why should I? I don't mention
how tall I am or how my nose is too big or I weigh too much or that I'm thinning
out on top or stuff like that -it's got nothing to do with doing my job and neither
does my wearing a skirt - besides in another interview or two I'm going to start
believing my own spiel that it really doesn't matter if I wear a skirt to the interview
if I'm the best person to do the job -and I why shouldn't I believe it? it's true.
I'm in guy mode today and I'm going to go ahead and finish off the day this
way (I know -yuck) and tomorrow I'm going with my mom and dad
of a scenic drive and boat tour for the fall colors - but by friday night, I may
be just dying to put on something pretty and hit the bars before my gig (in
guy mode) on Saturday and of course I dress up for church on Sunday
(I just typo'd Sunday as Sinday, hmmmm there's a thought...)

Friday morning update - I still haven't heard anything on the insurance for
the prescription -  nothing at all - which totally sucks but all I can
do is wait -anyways, I'm going on-line for a couple hours to do some
job hunting, but I did a gag caption which I might explain why I did this
someday (the back story is better than the caption) but anyways it's
the Maytag repairman in a Romney for President office in Minnesota:

I started the day at Como Park - the bottom picture is in the Bonsai room
which is one favorite things to see there, but I was over in St Paul to
see my psychiatrist and basically tell him everything is going pretty good
right now because basically everything is going pretty good, then I had a few
hours before my other appointment with my Ob-Gyn.  So I went over to the
Walker Sculpture Garden (home of the giant spoon) then I went over the bridge
and walked over to Loring Park (where Pride was held and where I played with
my band in my black dress) and I walked over to the stage area just to see what
it is like now - and now it's just an empty patch of grass and my memories.

then I went to my doctor and this is my second visit so I reported truthfully that
everything seems to be going well, and the previous tests confirm that.
Since I am  doing well on the low initial dosages the dosages will be increased
to what is probably the level I will be taking for the rest of my life - and  now
the changes should be coming a lot quicker and maybe be actually noticeable.

So that starts October when I pick up next months prescription , and so
that should be interesting, but things are really going well, so it'll be fine.

I'm out of school now, so I went to a job club today and listened to a presentation
from a temp-to-hire firm -there were several classmates there - and we all said hi,
but basically it was an hour and half presentation of what they have to offer.
It's probably worth posting my resume on-line with them, they have openings at least.

I wore my dark purple blouse, dark blue pencil skirt, black pumps and a purple
leather coat  -I'm back home in guy mode and it's not even 1pm yet, but I need
to go online to apply for these jobs and really when I'm around the home the
arrangement is I'm not supposed to be dressed up -it's an incentive to get a
job so I can get my own place and live full-time

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my OB-GYN to see how I'm doing on hormones,
as far as I know, everything is going well, and then a couple hours later with
my psychiatrist, and again as far as I know I'm doing well, other than that I
really need a job

So like I say, I need a job and your probably saying "So stopping whining girl - take
the dog for a walk, come back and sit down in front of the computer for a couple hours
and apply for some jobs" -OK that's good advice,  I'll do that.

Go Vikes!  We're beating the niners 17 to 3 and a blocked field goal
at halftime -yeah

Anyways, I wore a purple blouse and blue skirt to church, went to the coffee shop
before hand and walked around Powderhorn Lake - I was kind of all pumped up
that someone was going to say something negative about me - and I have no idea
why -people were all being friendly to me, partly I've been spending so much time
in class that I haven't had to deal with just walking around in public in a skirt,
but it's a little bothersome -every one either walked by without noticing me
really or else smiling and saying hi, so I'm a little embarrassed about that.
I need to get out more because most people are OK

The sermon was really good, whenever the pastor talks about the forty years
in the Wilderness that resonates with me (hint: Stacy Wilderness is my
drag name) I sat with one long-time friend during service like I always do
(the middle picture is a blurry picture of me in the pews) and sat and chatted
with another friend after service, so that was enjoyable

Now I'm back home in guy mode watching the Vikings - I'm going to a job
club Monday morning and I may wear the same outfit (don't tell anyone)

Go Vikes!

That's my dog in her natural state -and that would be in some sort of trouble,
but she's a good dog, just misunderstood.  I took those pictures right after
my morning jog (2.5 miles) and my morning breakfast at a nearby restaurant:
a very good dutch garden pancake (about $13 and very rare because I can't
afford to eat out often) .I went to the Saturday morning jam, and had a good time,
then went to the high school homecoming /car show gig (and didn't make as much for
playing as I hoped and it was very cold and windy) then I had an gyro meal ($9 and
eating heavily into the little money I made from the gig)
then I took my dog for a walk, had a salmon meal, and am now watching
Dr Who on BBC America (I had no idea Dr Who was still on - I used to watch
it  and it was great, but I was normally drunk when I watched it and twenty years
younger)

OK since I was in guy mode all day, what does any of this have to do with
a blog about a transexual's transition?  Well the transexual would be me,
and I took my spiro today, and I have my estrodial patch on, my friend stopped
by at the gig and sang a song, she's trans and so is her friend who drove her over,
they came with two cis-women friends, another trans woman friend stopped by
to listen to me play and that was nice - my singing friend struggled a bit because
the group added a guitar player and that threw us off a bit - but she was performing
in front of a regular (i'e non-gay/drag queen audience) and I thought it was pretty
cool to give her a chance to do that.  Then when I was walking the dog a guy I met a
couple weeks ago gave me a call out of the blue and he's busy and I'm busy so
we're talking about meeting someplace, sometime but it's not like we actually
arranged anything and I don't know, other than the one date I went on to
see what it was like (and it was OK but we just walked around Como Park
and he kissed me on the cheek and I never saw him again -so my experiences
dating a guy as a girl are not very exciting) but otherwise I've never really dated
a guy (or a girl) when I was presenting as a woman, and it's such an asexual
way of living for a lot of trans people like myself, that I'm not really sure I want
to, but he did seem kind of nice for an admirer and it's such a taken for granted
thing that trnasexuals are sexual creatures going on dates with men all the time
that for me going on a real date, at least once seems like something I should try,
but I don't think this guy's advances are going to lead to anything, he'll call me again
 in a couple weeks and talk about getting together and it'll be like yeh, yeh we need
to do that sometime and that will be the end of it.

PS - I told him where I go to church, so it's not like I'm blowing him off, I just get
the sense that he's an admirer (someone who is attracted to the idea of dating guys
who wear dresses) more than that he's really attracted to me as a woman, and
I'm just not interested in dating someone who sees me as a guy, even an attractive,
exciting guy, or maybe it's my unfamiliarity of socially being in the girl role that's causing
the problem, but yeh, I don't see this leading to anything

That's the teal skirt and jacket that I wore to graduation today, and a shot of my
greyish-greenish pumps (it really is nice to look down at ones legs and see a nice
pair of heels). that's a fun outfit and pretty festive but not all that practical, and
I was eating some barbeque chicken one of my friends brought in and I was really
worried about dripping barbeque sauce on my skirt and ruin it - but that didn't
happen -I was very careful.

So I'm done with classes -yeah!!!!!! it's going to be strange not going to classes but
I really need to find a job where I can show up as a woman and as
I found out yesterday at my first interview, it's not going to be easy.
I started May 29th and Ended September 21st and had perfect attendance,
and never once showed up as a guy - and it was a good experience for me.

so I graduated, and I suppose you expect some summary of what I went through and what
I achieved and all that, but I'm really not like that - I need a job and that's got to
be my focus right now, and this should help, but I really need a job, and so I showed
up, grabbed my certificate, talked to a couple friends I'm going to keep in touch
with, met briefly with a State employee who is supposed to help me get a job and
said goodbye to the teachers at the school -I don't look back anymore -
I have to make this transition work and I'm in a better position than before,
but it is still a very precarious position, honestly, and I have to just keep looking
to use these classes and certificates to find a job -the job is what is really going
to make going full-time a reality - but I think I'm close to living as a woman  full-time
I pray that I am.

that's probably a good reason to dress up and go to church on Sunday
I have a gig tomorrow. I won't be dressed, but a trans friend will be sitting in
for a couple songs, and at a straight event - she'll just be the female singer
playing with three guys (yeh I will be one of the guys -it's
still really easy for me to pass as a guy)

So I graduated (yeah!) and I have to change the header of the blog, but I'll
do it Monday =how about my search for a job that will let me live as a woman

I left class early to be at my interview at 5pm.  I arrived about
15 minutes early and 10 minutes before 5, I got out of my truck, with my purple
leather coat on , my purse on my shoulder and a folder of resumes, and walked
into the apartment office walked up to a woman and asked to see S----
(I won't name anyone or the Apartment complex -which is standard practice in this blog)
the lady said "I'm S-----" so I identified myself and said I was here for the interview
for the maintenance position, quickly she explained that the interview was yesterday
at 5 o'clock and that since I'd missed it she had all ready reviewed the candidates
and was doing background checks on them, but that I could fill out an application,
in case the background checks came back bad, I said I could do that and asked that
since I was here and that a mistake had been made and I was keeping the interview
time I had agreed to if we could do an interview, but she didn't -so I sat in a large
conference room at a table and filled out a job application, I then left the application
with her, along with a resume, and quickly reviewed some of my qualifications, including
the Certified Pool Operator, Special Boilers License, HVAC -Residential diploma,
Building maintenance and custodial training, and asked her to contact me if she
something fell through and she needed to fill the position, and I think I did impress
her because I wss smiling and friendly and obviously had excellent qualification
(if you could get past the obvious fact that I was wearing a skirt -I would be the
ideal person for the job) -so I think I salvaged it as well as I could, and left
her with the impression that I was a serious, intelligent person who would have
been able to do the job, and that's that - I need to go create a second interview now
at another place -it;ll happen

so OK - did I mess up and go on Thursday instead of Wednesday? n I wrote it down
at the time -Wednesday was group and afterwards karoake with my friend -there was no
way I could have arranged for Wednesday, and like I said I wrote it down confirmed it
on the phone - I went on Thursday as I arranged and showed up a bit before 5pm

did she write down Wed? possibly there's really no evidence that when she saw a man
in a dress walk in her office that she suddenly made up a story and blamed me for
missing the appointment - but it is possible -certainly if you've all ready offered the
job to someone or have narrowed it down to two people it doesn't make any sense
for me to fill out an application (unless she hadn't done the selection yet or the apartments
have a high turnover of employees  ) I filled out the application to try and salvage something
out of the trip, but I really don't expect anything to come of that effort -  but I did make
a good elevator speech of my qualification, and because I was looking her in the eye,
I could tell she was impressed with my qualifications, and we did shake hands as I left.

So looking  for a job as a woman is not going to be easy, but I thought I looked pretty
good and some other people said so - that I looked good in a professional way
with the black skirt, purple velvet top and black pumps

Tomorrow is my last day of class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a job interview tomorrow -I need to leave class early and drive straight
to the interview, in my black skirt and purple velvet top and black pumps -
I'm kind of nervous about my first interview in a skirt, but it's exciting
in a scary sort of way. The lady I am interviewing has no idea I'm going
to be wearing a skirt, but that's what I wear in public these days -I'm just
going to show up say "Hi" and take it form there.

the top photo is  in class this morning (black top, blue jeans, and black flats) and yesterday
at Como Park.  Class was OK and I sent out an application this morning and worked
my On the Job Training for the last time (I  take-off early Thursday and Friday is graduation)
so my first paid job as a person in transition is over and done with.  Two more days of class.

I went to group after class and hung around for the Karoke afterwards and that was fun
now I have to lay out my clothes for the interview.

I have an interview on Thursday, and I was texting a friend about
what to wear and it's decided - I'm going to the interview in a skirt.
It's kind of scary actually - it's really a bit scarier than I thought, but
I'm not going to get a job where I can dress, unless I show up looking
my best and looking professional and that means wearing a skirt -
oh it's scary though.

The class took the boiler test and it sounds like they did well, I got
to sleep in, get a McDonalds #13 breakfast, go jogging 3 miles with my dog
and then getting dressed up in tan size 16 jeans, brown boots and an
animal print blouse and go to Como Park (zoo and conservatory) while
they all took and the test and I thought ha, ha I've all ready got my license.
Como Park is a nice place to walk around.

Class resumed at 1pm and learned a bit about electrical stuff then worked
vacuuming -and get paid for that 1.5 hours of vacuuming.  Way back on May 29th
I showed up dressed up for the first day of classes, and now I have exactly three
days of classes left - I leave early Thursday for the interview and Friday is the
graduation so tomorrow is the last day of my working the On The Job Training,
and Thursday is the Final, so it's all winding down, but I'll keep posting
on the blog -I'm just going to change the lead to my transitioning while I
look for employment

I have some big news about the Saturday gig, but talk about that later.

Breaking News - If elected, Mitt Romney pledges to declare a War on Poverty.
Senior aides say he plans on using Predator drones on select targets, initially
concentrating on pockets of organized poverty in Detroit, Chicago, and LA.
Quoted Mr. Romney "These people are going to be against us no matter what
we do, and they don't pay any taxes -who the Hell do they think they are?"
Further details will be posted as they become available.

(sorry, I couldn't resist)

Last week of school, so I'm sitting in class taking a picture of myself and that's
the abstract pattern blouse I normally wear with my jean skirt and black boots.
That's also the new wig -and everybody seems to like it, it's pretty close to my
natural hair color so maybe as my hair grows out I can style it close to this.

For makeup I've kind of settled on foundation, a black eye liner, mascara,
and a shade of lip stick pretty close to the natural color of my lips -it's not
great or anything but for a 52 year old man who's been on hormones for a
month and a half - I'm pretty lucky to look at least a little feminine, and I
like the changes even if they are small and slow and taking for ever.

Class was a review for the boiler test that everyone is taking tomorrow -I all
ready have my boiler license so I get to sleep in and show up at 1pm to school,
but I'll probably go to a clothes closet and see if I can find some nice skirts
and blouses I could wear to an interview

I'm really pretty comfortable now with the idea of going to an interview dressed
as a woman and in my mind it really doesn't matter what I wear as far as doing
the job, but as far as standing up for myself and creating a future for myself,
I really have no choice but to do this - I can't seriously imagine going to an
interview as a guy.

It occurred to me that by the spring if I want to go out and lay in the sun,
I better have a bikini top on or I could get arrested -heheheheh, I've never
worn a woman's one piece bathing suit but I've always been dying to do it,
by next spring, if I want to go to the beach and go swimming the only choice
I'll have is to wear one or get arrested -it's really strange thinking that I'll
have to wear woman's clothing in this one situation  - I wonder if
there are other situations where I'd legally have to wear woman's clothing
(as a trans person) - any comments?

it's late and I have a gig in the morning -so really quickly
I went to the Townhouse to see a friend who's entered in the
talent contest - I got there at 9 in my light tan skirt tan open
toed booties with the 4"heels and the gold lame sweater with
a very tight black boned corset -I haven't been wearing corsets
lately but I went with a corset and hip pads  -and it was pretty dang
uncomfortable honestly -I talked to a trans woman who'd been on
hormones for about a year and a half and considering I'd been on
hormones a month and a half that was productive, and I drank a couple
beers and talked to my friend a bit and her friend and waited and
while I waited for the talent contest to start, I sat and listened to
Lori Dokken play piano in the back room, and she is extremely
good, anyways she let me sit in on a Bonnie Rait song in G,
and we got a very good reaction from the crowd -so that was fun,
then I went back to the main room and waited and talked and finally
about 11:30 my friend got to do her first number, but it was so late
I couldn't stay any longer so I watched her number and left as
soon as it was done, now I have to get some sleep

Update: the Farmers Market gig went well -its a paying gig but they
pay by check so I don't have the money yet, I also have a check for the OJT
at school for, that I get on Monday (because I left early on Friday) plus I still
have only a portion of the first check so all told it's something over a hundred
dollars -which will be nice, afterwards I went to the coffee shop and met
one of my classmates there and helped him review for the test another student
joined in later and we were there for about 4 hours preparing him for the test
he's a good guy and I'd like to see him pass the test -but if you can imagine me
talking for three or four hours - oh my voice is sore -in the end I decided to
not dress up in my girl clothes for this test prep (that why I'm updating the last post,
not adding a new post -typically I do a new post every time I dress up and
go out in public, which is almost every day, but not quite, but I didn't dress up, so
no new post) -one more week of classes then I'm done (yeah!!!!!!)

the top picture is my new wig, the bottom picture is my very light weight -very
slow flying  RC plane - the one that the hawk swooped over and the same
one I was landing in my hand yesterday - I didn't get to fly it today even though
the winds were calm because I took too long to get ready for school today -

after school I was going to the Naked I performance at William Mitchell
college of law (it was a free performance of an amazing trans-themed play -but I
confess I have a few friends in the performance, and don't pretend to be unbiased
about how superb they all are)  - anyways I was supposed to meet a friend who
is a guy on a "datish" outing -not really a date, but sort of "datish" -and then afterwards
there was a possibility I would perform a gig with my 2 piece group (me and
a guitar player/singer) -well the potential gig never materialized but I had to bring
my amp and mic's and clothing to dress like a guy after the play -so that took
a while,  then there was the skirt and sweater and shoes I was going to change into
after class and that was all loaded up into my tuck then there was the corset and
hip pads and makeup I was thinking of wearing - then as I got ready for classes I
decided to wear a skirt and blouse and heels and that took a while (I wore a black
pencil skirt, black sandals with 3" heels, a deep purple velvet blouse -it's a very
cute outfit and in the end that's what I wore to the performance). then I went off to
school and was almost running late by this time -but I did have
time to stop at the coffee shop and buy a cup and still make it on time.  School was
OK and I signed out early at 3:30 to make the 6pm play on-time -now by this time
I found out that the potential gig never materialized, and when I got to the law school
I got a message that the guy I was going to meet there couldn't be there -so I sent him
that picture of me -but I met a trans-woman friend of mine and her date (she is competing
tomorrow in a talent contest in St Paul and Im going out Saturday to cheer her on) -so
I didn't have to sit alone (yeah!) and at one point I was getting pretty emotional and she
ran her hand along my arm to comfort me and that was nice - but it wasn't like I was
crying or anything -I'm not that far gone -I was just a little moved by the acting
But the play was really good and afterwards there was a question and answer session
and my friend left with her date and I was walking down the hallway to my truck and in a
stairwell and I get to talking to this guy and he says I look nice and stuff and we're
talking for a bit and he's an alumni and I went to William Mitchell
for a year (which I describe as the worst year in my life -of course I was working 50 hrs+
per week as a Project Engineer and going to law school at night and living in a houseboat
on the Mississippi in S. St Paul in the middle of winter -so it wasn't easy)
anyways I'm sure you see where this is going it was a very long day and I was too tired
to go out for coffee with him, so I gave him my number, and we'll see if he ever calls
and then I drove home and I really am pretty tired now.