I wore a short trendy strawberry blond wig today and everybody noticed it
and seemed to like it - even though I've only been on hormones a month
I think there is some feminization of my face so the wig does look better
on me then the last time I wore it - I've been wearing the long brunette
wig for four months straight now and  I think I'll wear the short wig for a few
weeks -its a lot easier to wear.  Otherwise I wore tight girls blue jeans,
black boots with 3" heels and brownish abstract patterned top -we were doing
shop stuff and vacuuming for OJT so I wanted to wear something practical,
especially since I'll be getting all dolled up Saturday night with a black dress,
a pink corset underneath, hip pads, 4" heels, and probably the brunette wig
for my intermission gigs during the drag show at the Townhouse.

today was Payday for OJT (On the job training at my school) they didn't take
out much so the check is bigger than I thought so yeah!!!! I will have breakfast
tomorrow and have cash and check over $100 in my purse afterwards - yeah!!!
I need some makeup and pantyhose, and it'd be really nice to get a pair of ear rings
(with a real silver post) -back in January I got my ears pierced and have two
small topaz studs (my birthstone) in them and I haven't had them off since - but
I'd love to have something dangly to wear -I've never had any real ear rings so
I might spend twenty  bucks or so if I see something I like -

Saturday is super busy - I start in guy mode by my having my Dutch Garden
pancake, then taking my dog to the vet at 8am, then picking up some medicine
for my mom and dad at 9 then taking my mom shopping, then driving
my mom and dad to the Rembrandt exhibit at the Art Museum at 1:30 , then
I'll take my dog for a walk and have dinner and then finally about 7 or so I'll
get all dolled up for my musical gig at the Townhouse (I'm on sometime after 9:30 )

I'm really looking forward to Saturday night if you haven't guessed
oh I'm going to try wearing some false eyelashes too

after the show I'll probably be in guy mode the rest of the weekend and get
dressed up again Tuesday when I'm back in class -not that I don't want to
go out more, but I don't have any trans friends I can hang out with right now,
and of course the guys aren't interested in me and I'll just lay low for a weekend
and go to a musician friends picnic on Monday night, really between that, the
Rembrandt exhibit and the Saturday night gig, that's a good weekend I think.

Update - if you delete a "friend" from your phone list and then delete the
last recent phone call you made to her, and you don't know where she's
moved to because she hasn't had time for you since her recent move,
it's like this person just vanishes -it's a pretty neat trick.

I seriously couldn't believe it - last time I was at her apartment she was unemployed
and I stopped over to help her do some mock interviews and I left some practice
interview questions with her.  So she got the job but she hasn't had the time since then,
Anyways I want to start preparing for my own interviews now, so I called this
morning and asked if she could mail the sheet to me - and in the rudest way possible
she tells me that when I'm looking for a job she doesn't have time or the inclination
to take a piece of paper with some practice interview questions, stick it in an envelope
and mail it to me - and to top it off she hangs up on me, so screw it - that's what you
get for trying to help someone I guess.

hand tools and sawdust and vacuuming - a good day to wear girls tan jeans,
a tan and brown animal print top and brown flats -very boring but
practical . Tomorrow should be payday for the On-the-Job training -it's
only fifty bucks or so but with the thirty-five bucks for the gig a couple weeks
ago -that's almost a hundred bucks in my purse and a non-paying gig at a
gay bar in St Paul on Saturday (the Townhouse) -if I end up working late
at the gig, I may skip church Sunday morning.Then Tuesday is a test day,
so I'll go ahead and schedule some medical tests to see how I'm responding
to hormones on Wednesday - and I want to start getting serious about sending
out resumes next week. Sorry this is such a boring post.

The job fair went really well - I wore my black skirt, silver top with a light
black jacket with silver trim and shiny black pumps.  I dropped off 4 resumes
and I gave a woman my phone number :) -Seriously, she was very nice,
obviously and we got to talking and then we headed off to talk to different
recruiters and then bumped into each other again and talked a bit, and
I'd kind of decided that if I bumped into her again I'd give her my phone number,
so I did - which is sort of amazing -seriously -I don't go around to job fairs to
pick up women -OK I guess I can't say I never have done such a thing,
 having just admitted I just did such a thing, but she seemed nice and I wanted
 to talk to her some more and we shared some similar interests and she might
catch my performance at the Townhouse this Saturday, and I gave her my phone
number and hopefully, she'll call sometime - oh, did I mention I talked to four recruiters
about getting an interview and dropped off my resume -which was the reason I went.

Class was real short today, we got out at noon so I went to a Denny's on Lake street,
which many months ago I had lunch with a friend of mine who is transsexual, and
at the time I went as a guy and she went as herself, and I thought it was terribly
brave and heroic and amazing for a trans-person to just walk into a restaurant
sit down and order a meal (that was back in October) so today I walked into the same
Denny's sat down ordered a meal  - the meal was OK a little greasy but good, a little
pricey (just over $12.00) and the service was OK so I left a $2 tip  -this is a real boring
story - but that's the whole point -it's just not a big deal and now I'm meeting people
face-to-face to get a job, and to make new friends and hopefully meet someone special,
and that's all scary terrain, but dressing up and going out for a meal at Denny's,
that's just a place to go if I'm hungry.

I went to cash a check at TCF and because I don't have an account there they
wanted to charge me $7.00 or make me open a bank account - the check was drawn
on TCF (it was a Farmer's Market check for a gig) and it was only for $35.00,
and I ended up getting a little PO'd and was kind of rude to the teller boys and left
in a huff and I walked out thinking this has got to be the Estrogen, because I never,
ever cause a scene as a guy, not that I feel bad about causing a scene - they were
very insensitive to my situation (I don't have a bank account that's why I went to
TCF, because the business that wrote the check had a  TCF account and they
really should have just paid it - but like I said I left in a huff and said some mean
things, so I might be a little mean as a woman sometimes it looks like.

I am so lucky - I went to the Dentist first time in 5 years and had no cavities!!!!
I am so lucky and very happy.  I had a pretty serious tooth ache for about
6 months and didn't go to the dentist because I was working and couldn't
afford heath or dental care - ultimately it went away and it probably was stress related
(I had a lot of stress related health problems when I was trying to pass as a guy )
In Minnesota if you are unemployed you can get health care through the state
-that is how I can afford to see a Dentist today  and see my Psychiatrist tomorrow
 and get my prescription for Spiro and Estrogen refilled at the end of the month -
Of course the other side of that is I am attending classes full time and preparing
to live and work full-time as a tax-paying woman in Minnesota and I won't even
consider a job in another state because a trans person can live, transition, succeed
and be accepted in the Minneapolis area much more than anywhere I know of

OK - I just wanted to mention that, but while I'm at the dentist, waiting and
filling out the forms, because it was my first visit the dental assistant came out
to the waiting and asked if G___ (my first name) was there - I was sitting
there in my purplish abstract pattern purple skirt, dark purple velvet top and
grey pumps, and I look up from my magazine, but she's gone back behind the
door, she comes back out, looks at the other lady in the waiting room, looks at me,
then asks the guy at the desk where's G___? did he step out for a minute? "
and the guy at the desk finally pointed out that I was the guy she was looking
for - but  for a minute -it was pretty fun  "where'd he go?"

Class was OK and I continue to make money as an on-the-job trainee
doing light custodial stuff and I changed into some flats while I vacuumed
for an hour and a half - I kind of like the vacuuming, and it's experience

I get out of class at noon on Wednesday, see my psychiatrist (a $3 co-pay ,
but honestly - it is in the state's best interest that people like me have access
to a psychiatrist -seriously as difficult as my life is as a trans person I can't
imagine how difficult it would be right now if I hadn't transitioned)
after that I'm going to a Job Fair at night
I may stop at Denny's for lunch I'll say why tomorrow if I do.

so I'm a chicken, next time I'll do it.  I put on a cute light tan skirt,
gold top and brown leather sandals with about 3-1/2 heels ( a very
nice looking outfit) and went off to class this morning with the intent
of applying for a part-time maintenance job after work. But, after a long
day at school I just didn't feel like it - there's a lot of stress involved
in gearing up to walk in a place wearing a skirt and apply for a job -
it's just a big step and I didn't manage it today, but it also isn't a
very good job and part of it was that was it really isn't a very good
job and I should wait for a job I really want before I put myself through
all this stress - stress for the sake of practicing being under stress is
idiotic.  Especially considering I have go to the dentist tomorrow
before class and Wednesday I see my psychiatrist and then go to
a Job Fair (and I have been to several job fairs in drag and am
comfortable going to these) -so that is enough stress for this week
I think

Setting the Gold Standard for Lazy -
I'm sitting around playing Spider Solitaire on my computer
-it's that kind of day - a very lazy, summer day.
I didn't feel like getting dressed up for church - not any good
reason for not getting dressed up, I just didn't feel like it - so
I went in boy mode -a lot of people were kidding me about
not being dressed up because I was dressed so casually that
it was obvious I was just being lazy.
now I did get up early and jogged a couple miles and had the
#13 meal at McDonalds then flew my remote control airplane
for a bit and did a loop (before tearing the wing coating off
the wing and repairing it - the plane is fine) - but round about
8am I decided I just didn't want to get all dressed up and
spend all afternoon strolling around some zoo or museum, I'd
rather just walk my dog, so I went in boy mode and took my dog
over to the coffee house so they could meet her there, then I went to
church, and got kidded about "where's your sister?" and stuff like
that, and my poor puppy sat in the truck for an hour or so, but I
made it up to her taking her for a three hour off -leash walk at
a park that has a barge for going across a river with ropes -so
you stand on the barge and pull the ropes to cross the river -
it's kind of fun, of course my dog jumped in the river and played
in the river for ten minutes, and on the way back i layed down
on the barge to sun myself a bit (it being a very lazy day) and my dog
jumped in the river jumped up on the barge, walked over me sopping
wet and then jumped back in the river - seriously -she can be
really obnoxious sometimes,
anyways afterwards I played some Spider Solitaire then drove my
mom to the store and went to a dog park and took a nap on a picinic
table picked up mu mom and took her home, played some Spider
Solitaire, ate dinner, emailed the Clare House that I wanted to do some
volunteer work for them, played another game of Spider Solitaire
and wrote this blog, I think I'm going to take my dog for a walk
because right now my mom is yelling at her - so she's in trouble and
it's best to leave the scene of the crime at times like these

I have some very exciting news - so last night I was backing up a friend
in a drag beauty pageant - me on my harmonica and the guitar player frend
from my band and we were downstairs in the dressing room warming up
for "La Bamba" and the hostess for next Saturdays show heard us and she
wants us to perform a couple songs in her show next Saturday -which
is very exciting.

The Drag contest was a lot of fun and my friend did extremely well and was
very beautiful and had some amazing gowns including a peacock outfit
which is totally eye catching and a gorgeous satin beaded pink gown, but
she didn't win, sigh and the girl who did almost fainted - so people take these
things really seriously.

I was joking with my guitar friend that I was a little hesitant about inviting
him to play backup for my  trans friend in a drag beauty pageant - because he's
not someone who's in any way involved in the whole LGBT culture and we've
never even discussed such things (except for me bringing up my trans/gay orientation)
but he seems to enjoy the newness and energy of the scene (he's played on stage
at Pride and now as a musician in a beauty contest - so it probably seems
all fun and exciting and a little glamorous )  - still it's kind of amazing and pretty
exciting that we'll be in a really  good drag next weekend playing our music and
I'll be in a dress (of course) - so I can't wait.

Well I'm not quite done today but I  won't be home until after midnight, so
I'm going to take my dog for a quick walk then get all dolled up again and
back up a friend in a Drag Beauty contest, so I have to shave my face and
body a bit then put on the makeup and one of my black dresses

So in the meantime -the test today went OK I wore the jean skirt, black boots
and an abstract pattern blouse, I flew my remote control plane a bit in the morning,
and stopped for coffee before class -so it's been an OK day, but I'm hoping
tonight's going to be a lot of fun

Several years ago I bought a ready to fly remote control airplane called the Vapor-

which is very light and it flies very slow. For whatever reason when I got it home

I left it in the box for several months and then about 6 months later I took it out

of the box and it didn't work. So I returned it got another one, and it sat in the

box for about 3-1/2 years.  So this week I took it out of the box and I've flown

it a couple times in a tennis court across from school before class. It's pretty

fun and it flies so slow that it's hard to wreck it -but I did have some "less than

perfect" landings so I have to superglue the wing surface to the frame - but 

tomorrow,  if it's not very  windy I'll be flying it again - this is my way of saying 

I'm starting to get seriously interested and involved in aviation again 

Class went really well I passed the Certified Pool Operator exam -60 questions,

I missed one (OK I got sloppy, I was done in under an hour - and I just went

to fast and didn't bother to check my answers) It was nice to get out of class

early and the class was well taught and it's a good certificate to add to my resume,

and I got to wear a blue pencil skirt a purple blouse and silver sandals  all day,

so that was fun.

The band, or what's left of it will meet tonight to discuss what's next and I want

to take my dog out for a jog before I go 

Tomorrow I'm a back up musician for one of the entrants at the townhouse for the

drag beauty pageant and I'll be dressed up for that of course.

Finally a good day again - not 100% good but it was a really good day,

so on the down side the bass player in my band emailed everyone that

he's quitting the band -which is frustrating, but it's a good band and finding

another bass player won't be too difficult -but it means no practice tomorrow,

and I was looking forward to that, and I got a voicemail from from some

debt collector but I'm so broke that I just erased it without bothering to

listen to more than the first 10 seconds of it - so like I say a couple

bad things but now on the plus side -a teacher came in to teach

for the Certified Pool Operator test (we're taking the test tomorrow) and

he's very dynamic and well prepared and comfortable teaching a class,

so the day just flew by in comparison to Monday and Tuesday, and I wore

my tight abstract pattern purplish pencil skirt with a deep purple velvet blouse

and grey pumps - and I am so much more confidant being in a skirt again,

it really is so much nicer than wearing pants, even girl pants, I just really feel

better in a skirt, so I felt good walking out the door this morning,

and class went well and after class I stopped at a McDonalds (OK -not

a very good meal, and it's really very pricey, especially for what you get

a Big Mac Meal for $6.12? I mean that's not a good deal for your money)

Anyways I was getting some empty calories before group and then right

after group at the coffee house me and the guitar player from my band and a very

pretty lady I know who's entered in a drag beauty contest in St Paul on Friday

practiced our act (she's singing La Bamba and dancing, the guitar player is playing

guitar of course and I'll playing harmonica (I'll be in drag of course) -so this

practice went really well and I'm excited about doing my small part in the

Drag Pageant  - I'll be wearing my black dress with a small hip pads and a corset 

on underneath so that'll be fun getting all dolled up and it's a good act so I'm

pretty excited about it. So the remainder of this week with a test tomorrow, 

a test Friday, and the Pageant Friday night - I'm hoping this will be a fun week. 

Another frustrating day but tomorrow should be a good day.
Today was really long and boring and as we prepared
for the Friday test and went over the same material over
and over again for 7 hours then thankfully did an hour
of vacuuming which was kind of fun,  I thought of some
milestones in my transition and since I'm
on vacuuming detail tomorrow, I'm going to wear a skirt
 and pumps -yeah!!
(today I wore brown slacks, an animal print blouse and
brown flats)

So how about some milestones:
3 weeks on hormones (started Aug 1st)
1 month left of classes (last day Sept 21st)
almost 3 months attending classes as a woman (started May 29th)
Just over 2 years since I left my last real job to start my transition
just over 1 year since my last paying job started, and I started
mail ordering female clothes to go out in public in October
about 6 months since I got my letter for hormone therapy
(I'm a little slow sometimes)
3-1/2 months since I last kissed a guy
(oh I have to do something about that)
almost three months until my 53rd birthday
(oh my God)
1 day (tomorrow) until I dress up and present as a woman again
(well no surprise there!)

"Personally, I think Republicans should use the medical

evidence that women can't get pregnant in legitimate rape

cases to help convicted rapists back out on the streets,

and we could toss in pedophiles who get preteen girls 

pregnant too" -(R. Todd Akin)

That's my prediction of what the idiot is going to say next.

Anyways -very frustrating day - a new teacher and he's teaching

to the test and it makes for a very long day when you've read the

material and am just sitting in class going over and over the

same stuff, just because it's on the test.

very frustrating - but it's going to get better in a couple days 

and I have to keep reminding myself I'm presenting as a woman

and that's major -so patience, girl

I wore girls blue jeans, a dark purple top and black flats

Well, let's go to plan B - my dog is sick and I'm going to the vet first thing in
the morning, and I thought I was going to get about $60 last night for last
weekends gigs, instead I only got $14 (the rest is coming) so I guess I'm
not dressing up and going to the Gay90's tonight -I bought a 6 pack instead,
and I'm going to stay at home with my puppy -  I still have enough for
the #13 breakfast meal before going to the vets and after the vet I'll
jam a bit at a coffee house, then dress up and go to an outdoor trans
event at a local park then I go home change back to boy mode and go
to a gig that actually is a pretty good paying gig - which is really exciting,
and I think I'm going to skip church on Sunday or not -I haven't decided,
but I do need to find time to study for Wednesday's test and time is at
 a premium, so most likely I'll skip church and not dress up Sunday,
and just stay at home with my puppy and my textbook.
But I do have a gig playing my harp so it'll be a good weekend hopefully.

Today was a very, very long day -spent 8 hours at school, most of it
sitting in a classroom learning about carpets - it's important to learn
but oh my it's a long time to sit in class. We covered a lot of carpet
cleaning hardware including a device used in steam cleaning called a
"drag wand" so I was joking with a guy about what a thought a drag
wand was:

but this is what a drag wand really is -it's used in steam cleaning, and
is old school technology, but it's still out there, I guess:

my drag wand is a lot more fun don't you think?

I wore light tan girls jeans, brown boots and a shiny red top
but I was going to wear a satin looking short black strapless
dress with a corset underneath and cute black heels with a bow
on to the bar - I wanted to try and look a little flirty, because
the hormomes' suppression of sexual desire was pretty cool
while it lasted, but yeh, anyways it'd be nice to have a drink
and chat a bit with a guy... oh well
 maybe I'll wear it  next week when I play back up musician for a
performer at a drag contest at a St Paul gay bar on Friday.

Update - took my puppy to the vet and she's OK but I'll be spending the
day with her and giving her a bath and then go to my gig so I won't be
dressing up at all this weekend but I'll be dressed up for class
first thing Monday of course - later

Update 2 - the gig went really well -kids were dancing, the party was
happy a bachelorette party came thru, the bartender liked us -it
went extremely well and with tips, I got $103 -so I'm going to treat
myself to a dutch garden pancake Sunday morning, then spend the rest
of my day with my puppy -so no church tomorrow- just some studying

Update 3 - I'm in guy mode all weekend now - had a really good breakfast
and have been using a strategy of read a little take a nap read a little walk the
dog read a little take a nap... to get through a 300 page book on carpet cleaning.
The test is Wednesday so I'm glad I finished reading it today so I can focus on
studying after class this week -but oh my, I've taken 3 naps today and it's
a very lazy Sunday - I finally finished the book about 4 o'clock but it
was important to read it.

I'm really sleepy after band practice - so I spent all
day in class (light tan slacks, a silver print shirt, and
brown flats) -class was OK -I did really good on the single
disk floor machine. Good night

Another long day -sorry but a long day is a long day- even if you are presenting
as a woman - It was raining really heavy on the drive to classes and I stopped
at the coffee house and had a coffee and bagel, then drove to classes watched
three DVD's and looked over a Do It Yourself book on home repairs, after
classes did the On-the-job training for an hour then drove back over to the coffee
house for group and got home around 8pm - so I didn't get a lot done, and
didn't really learn a lot which is why I'm getting frustrated (partly) - but it's
Thursday tomorrow so I have to remember to bring boy clothes so I can
change at the coffee house after class, otherwise I'd be forced to show up
to band practice in girl clothes (OK I'm a chicken but I'm going to start showing
up dressed as a woman to practice soon -they've all ready seen me dressed up,
so it's not a big deal,but I don't want to start showing up dressed up for practice
just yet)

I wore light tan pants a brown flower print blouse and brown shoes - working
clothes again, but I'm going to dress up Friday and hit the bars so that's be nice.

tomorrow marks two weeks on hormones, and as stupid as it sounds,

I think part of the frustration I've been feeling lately goes back to 

how nothing seems to be changing - and OK it's been two whole weeks-

I'm making fun of myself here but one looks for changes physically  and so

far there's nothing and it's way too early I know that, but the drugs do effect

you in various ways but not the way I was hoping for -at least not yet

Class was kind of long -it's a full 8 hours and the afternoon teacher was nice,

and she's very friendly, but the subject  she had to cover today (some math review) 

was not too useful (I'm an ex-engineer, so I really don't need to review basic math) 

the teacher we had in the morning might not be back for quite a while after today.

I wore some reddish brown slacks and a brown and tan animal print top

and brown flats - it was working and cleaning clothes again - I may have 

to rebel and wear a skirt in some day this week - I'm looking forward to 

band practice on Thursday and then dressing up after class on Friday and

catching the drag show at the Gay 90's on Friday and that'll be fun,

so right now it's just a matter of plugging along - I still get to present 

as a woman and get some good resume building training and I'm

getting paid for an hour a day of on-the-job training working as a woman,

and so there's so many good things about this that I just have to plug 

away these days and keeping telling myself things are changing -it's just

really slowly.

Sunday I played a farmers market from 9:30 to noon, then my band
mate drove me to the next gig -we stopped for lunch and were playing
again at 3:45 to 6pm so I was starting to feel really tired by this point,
but I had $20.00 in my pocket and I'll get another $60 or so on Thursday,
so I'm pretty happy about that, but with four gigs in two days I worked
really hard for the money and I'm glad I'm not playing again today.
The place we played at Sunday afternoon had a really good steak sandwich,
and we chatted with the owner and had a free meal and unwound so it went
well, it was just really tiring playing that much -so that finishes my full-time-boy
all weekend story (and yes, including the #13 meal on Sunday morning
that's three high calorie meals on Sunday -the steak and egg bagel for
breakfast, pizza for lunch, and a steak sandwich for dinner -= I revert
to eating like a guy really easily)
 I'm sure now that I have some money I'm not going to be in boy mode next
weekend -I haven't seen a drag show in so long that it'll be fun to go out
and catch a show and have a couple beers
Because I had a twenty in my purse I stopped at the coffee house on the way
to classes and ordered a coffee and a bagel with cream cheese - $5.15
and went to class - we did some floor stripping and finishing in a restroom,
some classroom stuff then cleaned a conference room for the on-the-job
training portion of the day so a pretty easy day
I wore black jeans (size 16) black flats and a brown blouse -knowing
I would be doing the floor machine and all that I can't dress up in skirts
and heels for a while -but I still wear makeup and all that, I just can't
get too dolled up to clean floors and stuff, and of course as I get money
coming in I'll be able to start going out at night occasionally, and you can
be sure I'll wear something pretty for that -but as far as classes go -
I'm presenting as a woman, I've started hormones and that's amazing
and I just have to accept that that's enough right now - give it time-
the times they are a changing.

OK normally I don't post unless I dress up but I have a few minutes before
my morning farmers market gig and I actually have things that are worth noting,
so here goes -
today's weigh in was really good - I've now lost 15 pounds this year and
65 pounds from 2 years ago when I decided I needed to start my transition
so though it usually feels like I'm not making progress on the weight problem,
really I am but it's slow progress. still todays weigh made me happy = hopefully
it doesn't mean the batteries in the scale are going dead
The morning gig yesterday went well and a lady sat and chatted with us between
songs and it was fun - I was starting to feel a little drained on the second gig
and I was playing better, but the crowd at the bar was really thin so it was
kind of a long set, still it was OK and I'll make some money but my music
partner has to cash the checks (I don't have a bank account, so I can't
cash checks easily)
in addition to the money for playing that is tied up in uncashed checks we
made $6 in tips and split in two means $3 and I dug up $1.60 in change
and went to McDonalds and had a #13 super-high calorie meal before
my morning jog and weigh-in.  I really, really miss sitting down at a
restaurant (even a McD's ) one weekend morning and reading the paper ,
sipping on a coffee and eating a breakfast - hopefully I can start doing that
again on a regular basis, because like I said, I really miss it.
the other thing I really miss is flying of course, and I'm hoping to celebrate
my employment when (not if) I get a job in a month or so by taking a
flight at the St Paul CAF in a Ryan PT-22 -it would cost about $130
(which I know you can get a really pretty outfit for $130, but cut
me some slack here)

of course if I don't get a job right away I may have to wait until the Spring
because it is an open cockpit plane, but that's on my latest wish list
for late September.

Two gigs today and I should actually have some spending money
next week for a change which will be really nice

I'm on strike -I went to classes 8 hours per day for five days this week -the entire
time dressed as a woman and I'm on strike -I'm going back to being a boy this
weekend - in fact I'm even wearing boy's underwear under my boys shorts and shirt
and tennis shows.  Actually I'm going out jogging with the dog and wearing a wig while
jogging would be hot and it would make the wig all sweaty - but I am going to be boy
all weekend because I have 4 gigs and it's just a whole lot more convenient right
now to do the music stuff as a guy.

It was a long week now that I'm going 8 hours per day, and the lack of money means
I don't have enough basic supplies (like foundation -I'm using some bottles
that are the wrong shade and eye liner -I used a really black pencil which is just too
dark -I  need a blue shade eye liner and I'd like to try other shades of lipstick than
the two choices I have and I have one bottle of nail polish and I want to save that for
special occasions, I'm out of blush now, etc -you get the picture -financially I'm on
fumes).  hopefully I can make a few bucks this weekend at the gigs and have
some fun playing too, of course.  I like playing -this should be a good weekend.

Class was OK, but eight hours in a class room is a long day at the end I worked an
hour cleaning and mopping the break room and front entrance - which is an easy job,
but I'm getting paid for it dressed as a woman! So I want to do a good job at it,
because I've worked to get to this point, and you don't take anything for granted.

I wore capris, brown flats, and a brown button shirt - I don't think I look good in capris,
but they're so popular that I'm trying to get used to wearing them as casual/work wear.
Actually I don't think any woman looks very good in capri's vs a good fitting pair of
jeans - but they are very popular for women my age to wear during the day so
I'm trying to get used to them.

 

So I get to be a boy all weekend -yeah! I know it sounds weird -but I'm kind
of looking forward to being incognito and inconspicuous for a couple days.

I'm playing four gigs -two on Saturday and two on Sunday, and not doing the dressing and
undressing presto-chango routine, so I'll dress really casually like I used to when
I was a guy full-time -but I'm still making progress on my transition - I'll be dieting
and working out and taking the estrogen and spiro, so it' not like I'm retreating or
anything -I'm just not dressing up as a girl this weekend because for once in a very
rare time my guy obligations are enough to occupy a full weekend

the medications continue to make me a little edgy but I'm certainly getting used to it
and I'm feeling the effects a whole lot less than before. -the dose is fine but being a little
edgy is making the classes seem to last  longer

I worked an hour after class and will be paid for it -so I'm dressing as a woman
and working and getting paid for it - yeah!!!

Now that I have my immunizations done, I can start my paid on-the-job training.
Tomorrow what has seemed almost impossible - showing up and working
as a woman will quickly become really boring :) it's minimum wage and it's
part-time and it's only until class ends in mid-September but I'm going
to be able to put it down on my resume and I'm going to be able to use this
as a reference when I look for full-time work and I'll be able to say I dressed
as a woman at my last job - so it's a big milestone even if it is just a part-time
job after classes - the point is to look at the real positives from this job.

I wasn't able to start before because I need some immunizations but today
I just got the immunizations done so I'm done being a pin cushion for a while
(the Hepatitus B require a second shot in a month and a third shot in 6 months,
and I have a bunch of tests to schedule in early September to see how I'm
responding to the hormones - so I still get to be a needle magnet next month too)
Actually I was almost calm for todays' shot (well not too visibly nervous, well
OK the nurse commented on how I looked nervous but really I was pretty calm
compared to the last time)

Class went OK we did some discussions in a group and that was fun, I played
my concertina at lunch and wound up talking to a couple other students from
the school then watched a video a bit -so it was a really easy day

I wore the abstract pattern tight pencil skirt with the deep purple velvet top and
grey pumps, which is a nice outfit and probably the last time I'll wear a skirt
to class now that I am working.  I'll wear girls pants and capris for the
next few weeks.

Well my Cholesterol test came back and the mail was addressed to Stacy
(it's kind of neat receiving mail now). My cholesterol is a little high but I didn't
 fast 12 hours like I was supposed to either, so I don't have to take the test
again, and I need to cut some things like simple sugars out of  my diet
(which I need to do anyways) -then on the Immunization tests I have to
go back tomorrow and then I wont have to go to a doctor again until next month
considering it's been years since I've seen a doctor -it'll be nice to stay out
of doctor's office's for awhile.
I change the  patch tomorrow -so that's one week! -I'm getting used to the
medication levels. The biggest effects are that I'm sleeping really well, I have
zero desire to feel my boy parts, I still feel edgy right after I take the spiro,
but not nearly as much, my balance is slightly off sometimes, I've actually
lost a pound or two and I'm thinking a little clearer (probably because I'm
sleeping a lot better). It's not really what I expected but it's only been a week.

Class was a little frustrating - and I won't go into what was frustrating about
today, but we are getting a new teacher tomorrow and the last teacher was
really good and the next teacher is going to require some patience -that and
sorting out this immunization stuff which is just frustrating, and a two hour
group meeting that went really slowly and just wasn't relevant to me in my
situation and getting an A on a test but not being nearly as well prepared
for the test as I should have been, it was just a lot of frustrating little things.

Oh did I mention I got a 94% on a test today - honestly I should have
prepared for it and done better, but things are kind of getting away from me
right now - I just don't feel like I'm in control of things like I did before
(maybe that's an effect of the hormones)

Anyways I wore the jeans skirt, an abstract pattern blouse and black boots,
and I'm on the new, longer schedule - 9 to 5:30 so it's a full day from now
until September 21st and after tomorrow I'll actually be doing some on-the-job
training and getting paid for it, so that will be my first paycheck as a girl
(I'm not including my two $50 amateur night wins as a drag queen at the Gay90's)

I didn't faint -so it could've been worse -after class I went for the immunizations
and I'm still feeling a little woozy, and I was very nervous -but I got thru it.
I have to go back Wednesday after class, but it's a relief -three needles
and I didn't faint or anything and I can start the On-the-job training on Thursday,
so the hard parts over.

Class was OK but the new teacher for the next section looked about as nervous
as I did for the shots - so hopefully he'll relax - it was tough for him though first
day on the job in front of a new class and he's standing up in front of the class,
and his boss and the head person are both in class watching him  as he has
the class and they made us stay over for lunch (so every one is ready for a break
an hour ago and now he has to get up and teach for an hour)-so that's
about as hard as it gets -hopefully it'll get easier for him and for us.

We took a field trip before that over to a  local janitorial supply store and
some of the new floor cleaning equipment is really pretty sophisticated and
interesting.

So kind of boring day until the end then it was just plain scary, but I got my
immunizations and I should be good to go - I wore the same outfit as
yesterday, but don't tell anyone (blue pencil skirt, purple blouse, black pumps)

Me and one of the guys in the band are going to back up "the peacock lady"
at a local drag beauty pageant in a couple weeks -that will be kind of fun and
maybe it can lead to us getting booked there as a music act.

(she's a casual friend who's very pretty and passable -she was dressed up as a peacock
for Pride - and scores of people took their picture with her, while I tagged along)

my little sister and her boy friend went to my church today and I was dressed up,
of course and she knew I would be in a skirt,but it was the first time she's seen me
dressed up - so that was interesting -but it went well I think
After the Service I went home and changed back into guy mode and took
my Father and Mother to the Arboretum and they went along and that felt
really odd (because they'd just seen me all dressed up and a couple hours
later I'm back in guy mode and it just felt a little odd)

The service itself was good and the sermon was in part about having a positive
attitude going into a job interview so I think many people, including myself
pay attention more when the sermon touches home like that  - it was
a really good sermon and afterwards I introduced my sister to a lot
of the trans people in attendance which is actually a lot of people -when I first
started attending church dressed up back in October it was just a handful of people,
now I introduced her to eight to ten people which, like I said is a lot of
trans people -and I know there were more people than that in attendance,
(trans people are probably more religious than the general population, and I
know in my case I put my last dollar in the offering plate this week and that's
supposed to be a demonstration of Faith that brings rewards - or alternatively
I'm better off putting it in the offering plate than I am buying something on the
dollar menu at McDonlalds -but I did put my last dollar in the plate, and I'm
broke again -I'm probably not the best example of a religious trans person
but I'm sorta-kinda maybe a little bit religious and I did put my last dollar
in the offering plate today, and not many actually religious people can say
they've shown as much faith as I did today, which is just a typical day really.

I wore a blue pencil skirt, a purple blouse and my black pumps (or tap heels
as I'm calling them now because I've worn away the plastic tip over the heel, and the
metal nail of the heel taps on the tile every time I step -tap, tap, tap......
obviously if I could afford new shoes I'd get them, but they're fine for walking,
unless you need to be quiet)
Class tomorrow and I need to leave early to try and get my immunizations,
so yuck...

In class today we learned about stripping - of course it was stripping floor
finish off a floor, with a floor machine and a pad but this is a building maintenance
and custodial class I'm in, that sissy training school some of you folks are looking
for only that only exists in your own head - I'm working very hard to make my transition
happen and a lot of it is handling the most mundane details

For instance because I am getting on-the-job training in some custodian skills the school
will be acting as my employer and their insurance in requiring immunization against
one of the Hepatitus virus' and Tetanus (in case I was to get pricked by a needle)
and TB (to avoid spreading that to others) so Today I went to a clinic to get these
vacinations -but the place wouldn't let me get immunizations - a health care issue,
so I went to classes and when I got home arranged with my health care provider
over the phone to get set up with a doctor on Monday (and hopefully get the first
of these shots Monday -but obviously I wont be able to start the On-the-job training
on Monday and it probably wont be until Wednesday). I'm kind of mad about the
whole thing because I didn't know until last week that I needed these and the school
sent me to the wrong place and the whole thing is frustrating

Meanwhile I did get some blood drawn at my clinic (the transgender clinic is not
a regular family clinic) and I was supposed to fast for 12 hours but I was kind of pissed
off at lunch and forgot I was fasting so I had a couple cookies and some coffee - I
told the nurse and she went ahead and if there's a problem I'll have to do it again,
but I did fast for 4 hours and only ate a little so hopefully -I don't have to do this
again - she said if the test come back screwy I'll have to retest and I decided to
take my chances (especially since I have to take off from class for future clinic
visits and these count against me)

Anyways I wore a black semi-tight skirt, black pumps, a shiny patterned silver blouse,
a lightweight black and silver jacket, and I was talking to guy at lunch who was just
passing by and liked my dulcimer playing - he was kind of curious about the whole
trans thing and since he was someone I've seen in the park before - he has a
prosthetic leg and rides a bicycle -which I was kind of curious about, and it
turns out he has a good ear for music tone and plays a 12 string guitar -so
we talked about music and a little bit about being trans - he liked my dulcimer
playing  and I was glad I took the time to tune before I played -not that I'm
especially interested in him but it's nice to meet people and chat during lunch,
and who knows maybe we'll play together sometime.

Musically this weekend I'l just do the Saturday morning jam, but next weekend
I have gigs -Saturday afternoon at a Farmers Market, Saturday evening at a restaurant
Sunday afternoon at another Farmer's Market and Sunday evening at another
restaurant so that's exciting

So I'm sorry if this doesn't seem like trying to live ones life as a woman
here let me try this again:

Today I put on a dress and went to my class were they taught me how to strip;
I couldn't wait to get out on the floor and start stripping in front of all the guys
(wink, wink,)

short day at class - the teachers had to go to a conference and I got out at
11:30 and went over to a clothes closet and picked up some girls shirts and
pants. I never have enough tops that I actually wear - and when I start
on-the-job training for floor cleaning and painting and stuff like that on Monday,
having enough girl pants is important -because I really don't want to start
wearing guy pants, and I can't wear skirts and it's going to be a problem
having enough girls pants and shirts to wear between now and Sept. 21st.

I slept very soundly but was up very early, and walked the dog in the dark and
was pretty edgy and tingly, like when you drink three or four Red Bulls
(which I haven't done in about 9 months) -but I'm starting to feel pretty normal,
I was really hungry so I had lunch today - fruit and 4 yogurt cups, and
 I'm going to check my blood pressure and if it's OK I'm going to go jog
a couple miles before band practice tonight - in boy mode.  I really need
to get home early because I didn't get a full nights sleep and I need to get
a couple immunizations required for the on-the-job work and I'll do that in
the morning then after classes I go over to the clinic and they're going to
do some additional tests -so I'm a pin cushion tomorrow ( Oh what fun)

I literally have 15 minutes to write this - so here goes -first day on the patch
and two pills per day - it didn't make me dizzy or anything but I was a little
tingly and edgy and my elbow seems sore and it shouldn't be , but it's the first
day and I know that I can be over reactive to medicine effects (take an effect
and multiply it) - really the effects seem pretty minimal and manageable so far.

I wore a dark blue pencil skirt, a light blue feminine blouse and black pumps

Class went OK - actually it's hard to focus on floor care right now and I was
a little fidgety all day.  Right after class I went over and toured the Clare
House - which is a housing project to take people with HIV and AIDS off
the street and out of shelters and put them affordable housing and work on
improving there life from that point - I want to volunteer with this group
and you have to take the tour before you can volunteer - but they were
interested that I was a musician, and I have a lot of skills and stuff to offer
and it's a very important thing they are doing - I think being in a skirt might
have increased their interest in having me as a volunteer,

anyways after that I went to group and met a couple trans women who are
post transition but pre-op and doing  well in general and that's always good
to see and a couple newer people had a lot of questions and I offered what
I could from my experiences as did some others,

I took my mom to the store and dropped her off, but I have to pick
her up at 10pm and then when I get home go to sleep, so literally
I have no more time today -bye