I'm up early today -I still have at least an hour before I have to shower
and put on my makeup - I'm too excited to try and get back to sleep.

Yesterday I had one of those coincidences that really make you
wonder - but I need to go back in time to set it up.  I really struggled
with and repressed any expression of my natural identity for a very
long time and ultimately I was alone with no friends and very overweight
and unhappy so I started coming out and it was a struggle and I was still
alone and isolated then I decided I really needed to summon the courage
to see a gender therapist , and you can not image how fearful I was and
how hard it was to summon the courage to do this.  So I went to a
gender therapist and started talking about how I felt and she started
talking about how there were hormones I could take and things I could
do to really live full time and become a woman - and I left her office
and I was euphoric, it was wonderful and I was high as a kite and
walking on clouds and the world was wonderful - and the next day
I'm driving my dog to the dog park and I'm thinking about becoming
a woman and then the song "Hey Jude" comes on the radio and I'm
singing along and tears start rolling down my cheeks and then I'm
just crying my eyes out so bad I can barely see to drive, but I'm
totally happy and feeling ecstatic and smiling and crying -so I always
remember that because before that I hadn't been happy in any way
in a very long time and also because the therapy sessions quickly turned
into a nightmare and by the third and fourth sessions I realized how
incompetant the therapist was and she was diagnosing me with Transvestic
Fetish and I was having anxiety attacks immediately after every session
and getting physically sick, so I cancelled any further sessions and really
thought that was the end of ever going full-time.

So a year and a half passes and I start my classes tomorrow and I'm taking
my parents out so I need to turn the truck around and park it so I can get
my dad in (he;s in a wheelchair) so I'm in the truck for about 3 seconds
and happen to have the radio turned to the rock station (which is rare)
and the station is counting down the top 500 rock songs for the
Memorial Day weekend and you guessed it I turn on the radio they day before
I start my path towards full-time and what's playing "Hey Jude" and I can't
help but think about that earlier time -just starting on that transition and how long
it's been and how difficult but it's the same song and this time I'm not crying
(well not really) but I'm smiling and wondering what are the odds of this
song playing at this moment for me to recognize that it isn't just luck.

anyways I'm going to do my morning workout then get ready for my first day in class!