day #3 - Class went well - I put on a nice brown skirt, purple top, stockings

and black pumps - and I looked cute - a couple different guys smiled at me,

which is always fun, and the material wasn't too challenging so it was good to 

be looking down at my pumps and my legs when thinks got a little slow
and start and thinking how often in my life I'd been in a classroom wishing I was
doing exactly what I was doing right now- so the class was a little too easy today
 (it was on Windows XP and basic computer stuff) but it really was lovely thinking
I'm sitting in class, wearing a skirt, and this is really nice - I'm sitting next to a
woman  of color who is a young single mother, and helping her out a little on learning
about computer - and she thanked me and patted me on the shoulder as we
called it a day - so that was cool and we're kind of becoming friends I think

After class I went to a clothes closet in Minneapolis and picked up some

free female clothes - there's a pair of girls pants I might wear, and a couple 

female shirts but I'm going to have to try some other free female clothes

places too get things I can wear, but I have enough clothes for what I'm
doing (going to class for 4 hours per day)  for a few weeks.
 I really need more outfits.  I had no idea how many pieces
of clothing I need to feel like I have anything like enough clothing to
go full time out in public during the day.

Anyways after that I went to the coffee house and bumped into 

some people I know a bit and sat outside and played my dulcimer a bit,

Then I bought some mascara and eyeliner at  a K-Mart cost $5.23.

Touching up my makeup in the truck, I headed over to the hospital

and sat and talked to my friend, who is doing well -  I was there

for about 3 -1/2 hours which is a lot longer than I thought I'd be there.
I had planned on being there an hour, but one get's to talking, and
she shared her dinner (chicken) and I stepped out for a bit when
someone she knew showed and signed back in and chatted some
more and next thing you know I'd been there from 4:30 when visiting
hours start to ten minutes to 8:00 ( visiting hours are over at 8:00) 

it was a nice visit and we talked and stuff. it was good

so that was my day - 12 hours in a skirt makes for a good day,

 I'm tired, so I'm calling it a night

Day # 2 - Sat with a girl when I went to the lab and as I was sitting
down next to her the instructor was talking about what day it was
but  the girl joked "everyday is Halloween" and I smiled and joked
"I'm not sure what you mean" but obviously I did. she's pretty passable
and I'm not but I'm obviously planning on working this way as is she,
so we talked as bit during the day and she's got an interesting story,
and so hopefully I'm making some friends in class too.  Did talk to a guy
a bit before class started, and was split off in a group with a couple guys
at the end of the day -but it was just random assignments by the teacher.
Representatives from 5 companies came in and held a large meeting.
Q and A session, but I just listened -I did realize that it probably is a good
idea to add words from the job you are interviewing for to your resume
(where they are appropriate but to insure a good fit use their words)
I also learned I can type at 25 wpm - I had no idea peck,peck peck...


I'm back in boy mode now -this is a very strange way to live but it's
oddly very comfortable - it's not exciting but it's not stressful or for
me confusing -it's a totally trans lifestyle - and it's OK -I am in boy
mode to take my father to a place where he does physical therapy
and then go practice with my band (who know I'm trans but haven't
seen me dressed up - they will when we play at Pride in a few weeks)

So I may wear a skirt to class tomorrow, stop off at a place that
gives out free clothes (I still don't have enough outfits to wear to
go full-time during the day) then maybe go over to the hospital
and see my friend again

Well time to get ready for Day #2 -I did my nails last night, so it's not going to
take too long to get ready.  By the time I got back from seeing my friend. I'd
spent about 12 hours dressed up, and I think I was a little drained but it really
seemed pretty natural at this point.  There's a definite tendency to be really shy
and to be more comfortable and socialize with the women and avoid the men,
but then the men are avoiding me too I think - class itself is going to be easy
but getting used to being a woman in public is a very new experience and it's
invaluable getting accepted like this and getting used to thinking of going out
dressed up in public as completely normal - breaking down that fear of talking
to "regular people" when I go out in public, and just taking for granted that
I wear makeup and womans clothes and that's normal and people should just
accept that..... well I'm working on it.

There will be some company representatives coming in today so I want to
look especially nice today, but I think I still want to wear pants instead of
the skirt today (I'll wear the skirt Friday)

Otherwise practice tonight -the band will tease me about being a girl all day,
but they're good guys -I just feel talking about living as a woman when I'm
dressed up as a guy -it really brings home the dichotomy -but it's another thing
I need to get used to and they are good people so it's good experience.

Art Fair Saturday, and Blaine Aviation Days so the weekend will be busy

Worker Training Class Day 1 - I did it, it went really well - I wore beige womans
pants a print blouse, brown flats - I'll wear a dress or a skirt on Friday, but really
I'm presenting myself as a woman, they're calling me she and her, I'm allowed to
use the womans restroom, what more do you want?  At one point I gave my name
and I used my legal name (boy name) and the lady looked at me quizically and I
added I use Stacy, and she asked "so you haven't changed it yet?" - there is
a lot of acceptance and a lot of protection against people being threatening,
but really the environment is a classroom and everyone's been nice.
 I did use the Womans restroom and as  I'm touching up my lipstick and checking my
blouse is pulled down right, another student walks in and goes "Oh you
look beautiful" -I smiled and said thanks, but yeh you get sh** in the womans
restroom too, if you are too femme

Anyways I'm going over to the hospital in a bit to see my friend and I'm
going to take a quick nap, then walk the dog then go over there,
come home grab dinner dress up as a guy and go to a music jam
and then I'm back in class early Wednesday morning.

I'm up early today -I still have at least an hour before I have to shower
and put on my makeup - I'm too excited to try and get back to sleep.

Yesterday I had one of those coincidences that really make you
wonder - but I need to go back in time to set it up.  I really struggled
with and repressed any expression of my natural identity for a very
long time and ultimately I was alone with no friends and very overweight
and unhappy so I started coming out and it was a struggle and I was still
alone and isolated then I decided I really needed to summon the courage
to see a gender therapist , and you can not image how fearful I was and
how hard it was to summon the courage to do this.  So I went to a
gender therapist and started talking about how I felt and she started
talking about how there were hormones I could take and things I could
do to really live full time and become a woman - and I left her office
and I was euphoric, it was wonderful and I was high as a kite and
walking on clouds and the world was wonderful - and the next day
I'm driving my dog to the dog park and I'm thinking about becoming
a woman and then the song "Hey Jude" comes on the radio and I'm
singing along and tears start rolling down my cheeks and then I'm
just crying my eyes out so bad I can barely see to drive, but I'm
totally happy and feeling ecstatic and smiling and crying -so I always
remember that because before that I hadn't been happy in any way
in a very long time and also because the therapy sessions quickly turned
into a nightmare and by the third and fourth sessions I realized how
incompetant the therapist was and she was diagnosing me with Transvestic
Fetish and I was having anxiety attacks immediately after every session
and getting physically sick, so I cancelled any further sessions and really
thought that was the end of ever going full-time.

So a year and a half passes and I start my classes tomorrow and I'm taking
my parents out so I need to turn the truck around and park it so I can get
my dad in (he;s in a wheelchair) so I'm in the truck for about 3 seconds
and happen to have the radio turned to the rock station (which is rare)
and the station is counting down the top 500 rock songs for the
Memorial Day weekend and you guessed it I turn on the radio they day before
I start my path towards full-time and what's playing "Hey Jude" and I can't
help but think about that earlier time -just starting on that transition and how long
it's been and how difficult but it's the same song and this time I'm not crying
(well not really) but I'm smiling and wondering what are the odds of this
song playing at this moment for me to recognize that it isn't just luck.

anyways I'm going to do my morning workout then get ready for my first day in class!

So I spent all day today dressed as a guy -I made some arrangements with a friend
to go to an Art Fair on Saturday and I'll be dressed as a woman for that of course,
so next Friday, (not this Friday but next Friday) is the next day I could possibly
spend all day dressed as a man - not that I would, but if I wanted to spend all
day dressed as a guy - I'd have to wait almost two weeks to do it :) :) :)
but I'm dressed as a guy right now - doing my laundry so that everything I wear
tomorrow is clean.  I all ready went through and made sure I had everything
I need in my purse that I need so all I have to do in the morning is get up,
take a shower, shave, put on my makeup put my clothes on and drive to class.

I may put on my nail polish tonight, and I'll probably shave my legs even though
I'm wearing beige girls jeans and a print top so nobody else would ever know.

after class I'm going to stop at the hospital if I can and see a friend that
I care about, and stop over at the arboretum and walk around a bit

(OK this is way devious but I told my parents I wanted to take them to see
a band concert at Como park -cost $0.00 and I'd take them to the Conservatory
too -cost $2.00 per person) but we were running late so I said let's go to the
Arboretum instead and drive around, see a garden quickly then go over to
the concert -then I suggest that we got a family membership we could go
over there sometimes (I used to have a single membership and didn't realize
that a family membership cost $85.00 -so OK I feel guilty, but I have a
membership card now, and I really didn't plan it that way but dang it -
I'm going to use the card if I have it.....honestly I really didn't plan it that way).

After the arboretum we went to the concert which was fun then they took
me to dinner at Don Pablos - so it was a good day spent with my parents
and my mom knows I am dressing up as a woman in the morning and starting
classes, but we've decided not to tell my dad, so we didn't talk about it,
but it was a good day spent with my parents, and the last full day as a man
in what will be quite a while.

Tomorrow I'm not going to be dolled up all day - I talked to a musician
friend about where he is playing and I'm going to go to a jam he's at
and sit in for a few songs on my harp -so that'll be fun but I can't
stay out too late because I have class again Wednesday morning

this is trans means -transitioning between two states -neither fully one nor
the other switching back and forth - which is fine -I'm looking forward to it

It's Memorial Day and I checked my traffic to this bog and so far the only traffic
is a couple random hits, a couple hits from my old blog site - Transformative
Honeymoons -which continues to get over 150 page views per day and some
referer spam site from Russia with the address of "www3.bestbxcleaner.com ".

Considering tht I don't even have a bank account anymore, I really don't have
a lot to worry about - I mean all they're going to find out is that I'm broke and
I want to live as a woman,

Anyways since no one is reading this blog -and classes start tomorrow let's review
the premise of this blog.

That is me, I'm a fifty something year old man, and for a very long time I've wanted to
live my life as a woman.  Up until now that hasn't been possible.  I have since October
been going out in public dressed as a woman, but I am not on hormones and
I don't really pass and without a job where I could work as a woman going
full-time was impossible, until now.

Very recently I attended a Job Fair, dressed as a woman, but using my real name
and met a lady who choose candidates for a worker retraining program.
I interviewed for the program dressed as a woman and was selected.
The training is unpaid, but it should lead to  a job when I finish it, and
the people training me will be judged on their ability to help me get a job
when I am done, so since I am going to class dressed as a woman, it is
their job to train me and help me find a job that I can work at dressed
as a woman.

Tomorrow, I attend the class for the first time -which is very exciting. I will
show up for class dressed as a woman, every single day -they will never see me
any other way, and when I go looking for a job , I will of course go dressed as
a woman -but in the mean time, I am not full time, and I live at home with my
parents and the arrangement I have is that I am out to my mom, but I don't
dress up around my dad (who is in a wheelchair and not very mobile) -so I don't
dress up at home, only when I go out and I don't only go out as a woman,
but usually when I go out I'm dressed up, it's just so much more natural

So I'm not full time and I wont be spending all day dressed as a woman, but
after today next Saturday is the next day I could spend a full day dressed as a
man, then the following Friday (why would I want to? -I wouldn't I'm just saying
if I did want to spend a day dressed as a man - I'd have to look at my calendar
to see when that would be possible and make plans to do so - so when I say
I'm not full-time -I really mean I'm not full-time as a woman but I'm not full-time
as a man either)

Today I plan to spend the day as a man, and take my Father and Mother to an
outdoor concert - and just make a point of being a guy all day (realizing of course
that as I write this I am lying in bed wearing my negligee and panties that I sleep
in, but I will take a shower, shave and go off and be a guy today). Tomorrow
I get up in the morning, take a shower, put on my makeup and present myself
as a transwoman,  using my real name, and going to my worker retraining class
in the morning and do that for the next four weeks, as the first phase of my retraining.

It's very exciting

I've been going to church dressed up pretty much since I started going out in public 

en femme back in October, and that's how I started my day today

I wound up at the Bell Museum at the U of M campus which is free on Sundays 

and I find the dioramas interesting -here's a virtual tour link: 

http://www.bellmuseum.umn.edu/Information/ExploretheBell/index.htm

In between I stopped at a hospital where a friend of mine is staying, and while
she looked kind of drained, I was pleased to see how well she was doing -I'm not
an idiot or a pie-in-the-sky type, but maybe because I am trans too -I walked out
of there thinking  I was glad I visited her- so I'm hopeful and nervous

That's all I got today -class starts on Tuesday! I was talking about wearing a skirt
the first day, but everyone thought the outfit I had on today : beige pants,
brown flats, and a nice print blouse was really cute - so I may just wear that
instead -don't worry  I'm going to wear a dress and heels to one of these classes
 -it is a free country after all   :)

these shots are form last year, at the Arboreteum, but today I went to Como
Park and walked around the zoo and Conservatory -it was really nice and
relaxing and I was feeling very confidant and ease with the world so it was
kind of surprising that as I walked out of the building this man turned to his
son (who was in his early twenties) and started commenting on me, while
and I walked past and he continued to comment.  at this point I glanced back
and saw that they had turned around I continued to walk and then took a deliberate
look back saw that they were indeed following me so I continued to walk at the
same pace but now reached into my purse - now I was just reaching for the
phone -but he didn't know that -it might have been a gun, mace, a knife
-he didn't know but he did know that I was aware that he was preparing
to attack (and he was -I'm not imaging that) but like I say he knew that
I was walking along but that I was aware of him and aware that he was
a threat and that I had something prepared - now as it turned out my plan
was to call 911,  scream a verbal warning and attack the old man , and hope
that the kid (who was much more of a physical threat) would panic when
I tackled the old man to the ground -regardless someone was going to get
seriously hurt and it might well have been me, but honestly I don't think
so - I think he realized I wasn't going to be the victim and his bullying
was going to expose what a coward he really was -but he saw me reach
into my purse, confidently walk on prepared for his attack and he wisely
backed off - all because I was minding my own business walking along
a sidewalk in the park.

Anyways the park was lovely and there was a wedding reception and I
didn't see the bride and groom but some of the girls had really lovely
gowns and of course the garden itself is really nice,

I started the day at the Naked Eye workshop which was a lot of fun-
it was a gender oriented theater and workshop - and we did some
movement exercises and some writing exercises and in groups of
three, according to a set of 6 rules we were given 5 minutes to
come up with a three minute sketch get in front of the group
and act it out - my group came up with a really good skit and
everyone laughed at the ending -so that was scary but fun
one exercise was to write on a specific topic and one example was
I am a superhero when.... and we were given 5 minutes, I think
and I wrote:
I am a super hero when I'm standing on stage at a Blues Festival*
playing my harp, watching the girls dance, changing my melody,
my tune, my song to keep the girls dancing
I am a super hero when I am standing on the edge of a cliff,
feeling the wind in my face, the hang glider tugging upwards**
in the wind, taking three steps and running off the cliff
I am a super hero when I am skiing down the hill with no fear
of falling
and falling and tumbling spectacularily down the hill***
and laughing at the bottom, looking at one of my skis
half way up the slope

*specifically I was thinking of the upper Mississippi Valley blues fest
I played with Little Bobby and the Storm
**specifically I was thinking of the trip I made with my hang glider to
Lookout Mountain, in winter of 2000
***specifically I was thinking of a trip I made to Mount Hood when I
got crossed up on a mogul and just got pounded by the mountain -
I was fine but oh my what a spill.

The workshop was a lot of fun and it was $20 which is a lot right now,
but I thought it was unique and I really wanted to do it and it was worth it
Afterwards I went too Como Park like I said, stopped at the coffee
house then went over to the church for my religious group discussion
(which I joined last week by accident -it's a long story) then I went home
and took off my skirt and makeup.

Anyways right now I've got a load of blouses and  my jean skirt in the
dryer, and some panties and lingerie in the washer, and I have
to admit, I don't feel like a super hero when I'm washing my panties



links:

Transgender Blogs

I'ts Saturday morning and I'm going to a play workshop for the 20% Theater
it's called the "my naked self workshop" -but trust me they won't see my
naked tush -it's a psychological nakedness were talking about -talking
about who you really are behind the mask -some writing some acting
exercises -this theater group is especially trans supportive and I hope
to meet some more trans people and allies here.

in the meantime, I'm sitting at my keyboard in my jeans skirt, purple
top and platform wedges, and waiting for my light pink nail polish to
dry :)  Quess what I'm wearing to the workshop.....

I'm still thinking about my friend, but really there's absolutely
nothing I can do but make some time to stop by and see her
after class next week.

After the workshop, I may go over to Como park then head back to
my church for a faith group there that meets on Saturdays at 6pm
so I'll get home around 8pm and that's a long day - but I enjoy a
full day like that when I'm all dressed up.

The top is my revised poster suggestion for a MN United campaign against 

defining marriage in Minnesota as between a man and a woman.

At their request I added the "vote no" and the MN United logo - I'm just

doing this as for fun, as a volunteer - but it's a cool poster, I think, and the guy 

I sent it to liked it. Hopefully it gets approved.

It's Airshow season in MN - Blaine Aviation days is next weekend - with the

Golden Wings Museum being open and some flybys and then the following 

weekend in Mankato the Blue Angels!!!!! so I've asked a trans friend if

she wants to go with me to these events -she's an ex-race car driver and

I have a pilots license (but not a current medical) and we're going to rebel

against some of the excessive girlieness -well until that urge to get all dolled

up and go to a play or the Art Fair in Edina comes over me again 

I am going to get dolled up tonight and go to the Gay90s and catch the 

drag show -I have not been out there in at least a month, maybe two -

not that I'm a regular but I was competing in the amateur contest for 

a while and I'll know a couple girls and performers there, and get to say

hi and all that -it'll be an early night -I have a play workshop I'm going to 

Saturday morning,  

Update 8pm Friday Evening:
God effing damn it - a friend of mine just got readmitted to a hospital
for overdosing on valiums, but she's safe right now and hopefully the doctors
can help - I'm just going to go get a 6-pack -which seems
like an idiotic response to hearing someone you care about just ODed but
screw it -I didn't read the manual about what the proper response is

It sounds callous, but it really isn't -she's safe there and she needs their help,
and I'm staying home tonight in my parents basement and I'm safe here,
there's nothing else that can be done right now

I'm drinking Leinenkugal Classic Amber

here's a "poem" I wrote the last time she was admitted:

Drag #6

4:44 am

Obviously I can’t sleep

I got a call last night when I was charging my phone

No one ever calls me at night, so why not charge my phone at 7pm?

I won’t use her name, but she left a message

She was being held in an institute,

the message was a phone number where she could be reached, visiting hours, 

she asked if I could call her

Obviously I did

She wasn’t sure who I was

 then she says “Oh. Stacy, of course”

She asks if it is Tuesday, unsure

The conversation is brief,

I first met her in group, she sat next to me

Showed me pictures of herself

A guy who managed a car dealership

And drove race cars on the weekend

He was muscular, good looking, weighed 225 pounds,

About what I weigh now

“so there is hope” I joked

I show her my pilot’s license

I just dress for fun I explain, which is sort of true

She is about 140 pounds and very pretty

She lives as a woman and passes, at least I think so

She not sure

She’s competitive and opinionated, and smart and  frustrating  

and  I know I kind of like her

She wants  to talk about how hard it is to transition, 

and ultimately manages to get asked to leave, 

making a comment about me in the process

Which kind of hurt,

So I remember meeting her, and knowing I kind of liked her

I was dressed up in a bar watching a drag show, when I saw her next

By the pool table with a friend – I thought about going over

But decided not to, I was afraid

I was at the Mall of America when I saw her next

I was in a very pretty outfit I bought at Macy’s and had on to go to a Job Fair

I was handing out my resume – I’m not full time, I’m not on hormones,

But I wanted to do this –it was scary walking in the door, but it went well

I was proud of myself and was now ready for lunch

I was sitting there eating, when she walked by and sat at a nearby table

I thought about it for about five minutes

Then casually walked over and said hi

We chatted, she was waiting for a friend, and she showed up

And sat with us, it was a very enjoyable chat and we exchanged numbers

She was starting a her new job, the pay wasn’t so good but it’s a job,

And I thought that was exciting, especially being able to go to work as a woman

I give her a lift to a clinic for the pre-employment drug test

At  the next job fair I went to I called and talked before I went in

It boosted my confidence

And of course she would remind me that I could always take the dress off

And get a job as a guy

I’m  looking for a job as a guy too I reminded her

But I really wanted to say at least I tried

She called me last Tuesday and asked what I was doing

I wanted to go to a blues jam, sign up and play my harmonica,

I would go dressed as a guy

It’s still too scary for me to let my musician friends know about this,

Even at a jam I’ve never been to there’ll be someone I know  casually

and then there are the drunks

I picked her up and she was dressed casually but she looked very pretty

Not that it was a date or anything, we’re just friends

We go in the bar and I sign up for the jam

I meet a musician I know slightly, and we talk, on his last CD

One of the guys on the CD  was a man when they started the CD

had a sex change and was a woman when it was completed ,

I couldn’t make this up

I sat with my “date”, chatted  

and waited  for my turn to play with the band

she gets up to get a drink, 

 at the bar,some guy approaches her,  

and when she orders A meal some guy approaches her

she’s very pretty and it’s not a date and stuff

but still I mean, I am dressed as a guy and everything

anyways I get up and play and take her home afterwards

and she has to get up early for work the next day

then Saturday I’ve asked a friend to go to a play with me

(I sometimes get tickets for next to nothing)

She’s not feeling well so I call  about going to the play

I get the machine and leave a message

I call again  she answers

She’s not on the lease, her partners moved out,she’s not on the lease

They want to evict her, the social worker is coming over and she has to

Stay in the apartment until she arrives

I go and  see a play and have a good time

I get a call Tuesday

I call back

“Today is Tuesday”  I say, helpfully

it rained pretty hard today.  I got dolled up and went to see my Psychologist
after a month absence.  In that period a lot has happened -most importantly
that I am entering a retraining program on Tuesday as a trans woman - the last
time I had a session transitioning to full time seemed impossible because of the
impossibility of finding a job presenting myself as a woman, now I'm entering a
program, enrolled as a trans woman and will be looking for work that way when it is
completed - so a lot has changed - so I talked about my new training program,
and coming out to my band, and my friends and how I'm  really pretty happy
these days other than being so broke - I was kind of hoping to formulate some plan
of action or something I don't know, but it didn't really happen and I don't really
have a plan these days - other than the obvious one: I'm enrolled in a training program,
on Tuesday, I'm going to put on my makeup, put on a skirt and drive to class and
take a seat in the classroom -which is pretty amazing that this is for real.

I came out to my band about being trans - and now we're talking about our next gig
it sounds like we'll do a gig on Fathers day, and then one or two gigs at Pride
which is very exciting because a) I'm in a band with a bunch of straight guys who
want to play at Pride which says something good about my friends and b) that they
accept me as a person and a musician  even after I tell them I am trans, which is
very cool, and c) the next part of my uber-devious plan is to casually mention that
I want to  be in drag when  we perform on-stage at Pride - which is one of my more
hare-brained ideas, and I cant believe that I'm actually going to be up on stage with
a very good band playing the blues and wearing a dress - how many people can
say they;ve done that.  I talked to the person who runs the stage at Pride and she
mentioned a person we should get in touch with for more bookings, and so I'll
pass that along to our lead singer, but good things are happening musically.
I also may be selling my electronic drum kit -because I need money to get through
my current stretch but it  is good to line up a buyer who supports trans activities

I went to group and I got to give a pretty positive report -came out to my band,
and my retraining session starts Tuesday , and of course went to the play yesterday
so I'm smiling the whole time -why not? things are OK -knock on wood-

After group I stopped over at a girl friends and took her to the Walmart , then
went to her place and talked and had as couple beers and it was nice, we didn't
get the chance to talk much yesterday at the play, so yeh, we talked, sort of
watched a ?Julia Roberts movie and she cooked a snack for me, and I pet
her dog, so it was pretty relaxed but it was nice.

Tomorrow I get dressed up (you don't sound surprised) and go to therapy
if the weather is good I may head over to Como Park and then after 5
the Walker ( a modern art museum) is free, so I'll probably wear a skirt
and some boots.

I play in a blues band, and we have a few weeks off from practice
but I'm starting my RLE (Real Life Experience) as a woman next
Tuesday in class, and I really felt the need to come out about being
trans (they already know I'm gay, but we've never talked about it)
so anyways, what ever happens -it was time to come out so I sent
an email (because I'm a total chicken) here it is

Band Members,

I wanted to give you some additional information about the worker retraining

program that I'll be entering Tuesday that I've been keeping private from you.

Basically when I went to the job fair where I heard about this training program,

when I interviewed to get into the program, when I went to fill out the forms and 

got accepted into the program I was dressed as a woman.  Obviously I used my

real name, and no one was really duped into thinking I was a woman, but 

that was how I was dressed and presented myself.  

For a very long time I have wanted to be able to try something like this 

in real life and see what it would be like.  I am seeing a psychologist who is  

knowledgeable in Gender Identity Disorder, and while it is a pretty rare 

condition, the "experts" really don't consider it a mental illness, it's more

a case of how a person sees themselves and identifies with who they are.

There is a very wide spectrum of "trans people" and a variety of options

including Sexual Reassignment Surgery -which I would never do,

Hormone Replacement Therapy -which I object to for philosophical

reasons and Real Life Experience - which basically means spending

some time living as a member of the opposite sex and seeing what it

is like - that is what I am going to try, and since I all ready attend church

that way and spend some time going out to plays and support groups and 

various events, and have since October (when I first started coming out

about this publicly) I personally feel pretty comfortable about going to

these classes dressed as a woman, and even if it turns out to be a bad

idea, the building facilities training is relevant to my career.

Now as it turns out, I will probably be working my old job part-time, 

(they called me the other day) -so the reality is I will wake up, put on '

my makeup, go to class from 8 to 12 Monday through Thursday, take 

off my makeup put on my work clothes and work from 2 to 6 then show

up for band practice one day a week looking and acting the same as

always, so I suppose I could have kept it private, but I wanted to let you 

know about this, and go from there.

[my name]

so I sent it out a couple minutes ago. if things go well we're scheduled to play

Pride, so they're good guys, regardless, but I just have to see what develops

Plot script for yesterdays play

the actor played a death scene from Othello and had a romantic scene

with his lover, The woman playing a woman role was introduced by way

of conversation a repeat of the death scene but on stage (first time

was in rehearsal) then two ladies go to green room and invite him

out -turns out it a wager to see if he is really a man or a woman -

when a rich fop shows up mistaking the group for whores he has

fun humiliating the others-  but in his next performance the fop 

has hired some ruffians to throw shit on him as he performs his role,

then soon after repeating the exact same role (but this time dressed

as the fop) he is triumphant on stage, but is "mistaken" for the fop

when he goes out to a park with the ladies again -here he is beaten

up brutally in slow motion  -Intermission-

so after the intermission the king decrees that all womens roles

are to be played by women only from now on, the Actor recovers,

he winds up in a bar performing as a woman doing a lewd song

about a man with no balls, then ultimately helps his female actress

rival act the Othello death scene he is famous for -but she can't

do well -they practice the scene then it is performed live where

he almost kills her leading to the happy ending

I'm going to submit 12 pieces for the Dirty Queer show - which is supposed to be
a whole lot "naughtier" than my work is - but because my work is so heavily
trans-themed in nature, even though it is PG-13 at worst, hopefully they let
me exhibit
these are all works from my old blog "Transformative Honeymoons"
Submission address is dirtyqueershow@gmail.com
and the deadline is June 15th 2012 -it is held Sat. June 23rd at the Intermedia Arts
Theater in Minneapolis

What started out as a night at the theater with a trans woman friend has grown all out
of proportion - and so tonight it sounds like me and three other girls will descend
on a theater in Minneapolis to see "The Compleat Female Stage Beauty"
walkingshadowcompany.org
about a Male actor back in the days when men played womens roles-
well that has just come to an end and the actor now has to learn how to
play mens roles and he is being taught by a woman how to act like man,
so it sounds like it'll be fun - I'm going to wear a black pencil skirt, a black
blazer with white trim, black ankle high boots with 4" heels, and while no
one else will get to see it, my black corset - so it should be fun

PS-update the play was a lot of fun and is actually quite good and well acted
I'd recommend it

after the Meetup group is over, people go online and post photos of the event,
and a couple of the pictures taken by other people have me in it.
I'm the girl farthest to the right in the top picture (with boots jeans and a jacket on)
and I'm the girl in the center of the bottom picture -next to the lady in the 1890's
dress with the bustle (I'm wearing black boots, blue jeans and a brown leather
coat)                      -"All is Vanity"  King David of Isreal in Ecclesiastes -

Anyways - I volunteered for MN United -which is the MN campaign against the
amendment to limit marriage to only between a man and a woman.
I am obviously totally opposed to that idea, and went to a meeting a few weeks
ago and volunteered to help with some graphics, so they want a window placard
that people can put in their windows to show their opposition to the amendment
so I wrote back and suggested the idea of an "X" [suggesting don't or vote NO]
and the X goes through a wall between two hearts - so the idea is don't put a
wall between to people that love each other - I think it's a positive message for
a vote against an idea -so here is roughly what my idea will look like (I need to
simplify it and use space better, but you get the general idea)

Today I thought I was picking up a friend and going with her to a Job Search
clinic, but she overslept -OK let's move on to the next subject

I went to a job search clinic, personally I think it's important to avail oneself
to whatever help is offered one when searching for a job, and would not
want to be so rude as to be late for something like that, or even worse
miss it all together, but that's just me.....  The lady who set it up is the one who
set up my getting into the retraining program, so I thought it was important
to show up and get as much from it as I could which I did,

The program also gives a list of places one can go for clothing and while
I have plenty of men's clothes I do not have enough womans clothes to
wear during the day in a classroom setting -so I went to one of the places
listed for free clothes and picked up a few female shirts and light sweaters
I could wear to class -if you are interested, the address is
the Clothes Closet
Central Lutheran Church
333 South 12th St
Minneapolis, MN
call 612-870-4416 for hours
no appointment is needed, just walk in, take what you need,
thank them and leave
The selection is pretty limited, but I just needed a few female shirts
I could wear with my female jeans to class -because I really don't
want to wear boy clothes to class and I can't possibly afford buying
clothes right now.

I took a walk around a really nice wooded park and nature center in
St Louis Park, and it was a really gorgeous day, but then it's off to
the Eden Prairie Center and Payless Shoe store (because like so
many trans women, I have big feet -men size 10-1/2 equates to a
womans size 12, 12w, or 13 (usually a 12w fits but you try them on
to to be sure) so I bought two pairs of flats, because I'd feel like
an idiot walking around class in my 4" heels, I'll wear the flats most days,
or the boots with the low heels, but  I'm sure I"ll wear a dress and
4" heels at least once !  The shoes are $17.00 each and they do fit and
hold up pretty well and I've gone in and bought female shoes dressed
as a woman and dressed as a man and they've always been polite and
attentive. After Payless I stopped at Walmart and bought $50 worth of
makeup and pantyhose - which sounds idiotic realizing how poor I am,
but going in makeup and trying to look my best is really, really important
to me so it's worth it  -

and now I'm back in guy mode, retraining class starts next week and I have
the clothes and shoes and makeup to get through a couple weeks at least
so I'm pretty much set