Go VIKES!  I rushed back from church to watch the game -we're winning by
a couple and the third quarter just ended. Momentum is shifting to the home team
(the Vikings) and we're 2nd and goal. Things look good

So I went ahead and went to church -my mom hasn't cashed my 106 dollar check
but she gave me a twenty last week and $23.00 yesterday -so I had the #13
meal and jogged a couple miles with my dog, then I decided I really wanted to
go to church -so I put on a pretty tan skirt a shiny gold sweater, tan leather booties
with 4" heels and with the new short strawberry blond wig I got a lot of compliments
from the women and a number of smiles and hi's from the guys, so hey that was fun :)

before church I stopped at Walmart and got a pair of sheer control top pantyhose $4
a three pack of tan pantyhose $5.95, #225 Maybelline foundation, five dollars and
something, and I still had two dollars when I walked in the church.  I put in a dollar
for the offering and I still have enough for a coffee on Monday -honestly I am
really tired of being poor - I want to go shopping, go out for coffee, stuff like that.

I'm going to celebrate graduation  on the 21st by getting a nice pair of dangling ear rings,
and wear them to my next interview, otherwise the church is having a bluegrass festival
Wednesday night right after class, so that'll be fun.  the band is practicing Thursdays
again, and somethings happening Friday, but I'll keep that a secret for now.

during the sermon the pastor mentioned something -that one of the things we do
when we persevere through struggles is to help other people avoid the mistakes
we made - and if you go back Transformative Honeymoons a year ago, two years ago,
it's striking how much happier I am now than when I was trying to face the fears
of the transition:

hey,

Things have been tough, but I'm working full time now,
and I've finally summoned the courage to start going
out in public. It'd be nice if I was more petite, and
looked more feminine, but I kind of have to work
with what I was born with. Of course just because I have 
the courage to do it, doesn't mean I've actually done it,
but I've been so very very poor that there was no way 
I could spend money on anything but getting by.
That's going to change starting with the paycheck
I just cashed.

Of course I have to buy all the stuff,
so it won't be until the October or November meeting
of the local cross dressing club when I do this, but it's time,
and I really personally feel that this is who I am, and if
I present myself as a man all day that's fine, but not all the
time. That's just not healthy. I can't do that all the time
any more. So I'm not going to be posting here very often,
but occasionally, if I have something new to write about,
which won't be that often, but when something actually
happens, I'll post it.

Mostly I'm over at D+X. stop by and say hi.

(It's been an interesting year -since I made this Sept 10, 2011 post) 

I wore a really nice tan skirt, gold lame sweater, tan leather open toed booties
and a brown canvas belt -so as you can guess I had a pretty good day
(there's a very high correlation between dressing up nice and having a good
day) having said that I'm waiting for a check to clear and I'm totally broke
until it does-so I'm not going out tonight or going for breakfast tomorrow,
but hopefully I will have a little money by Saturday and go out then, and
go to church on Sunday.   Now I know that not having money doesn't mean
you can't go to church, but it's embarrassing not putting anything in the offering,
and people notice that and talk and don't understand that I really don't have
any money right now - literally -I saw my psychiatrist today and that's covered
by health care (if you're poor in MN) and there's a three dollar copay, and I
I paid that in quarters - I joked about it, but it is embarrassing - I am so
very tired of being out of work -so I"ll probably be in boy mode all weekend
and that'll be incentive to send out some resumes -and you know I'll wear a
really nice skirt for that first interview.

it's pretty late - so class was OK test in the morning,
did OK, studying HVAC now in the afternoon,
did the OJT -bathroom duty again
got out and went to the coffee house to do the
Presto Chango (changed out of my girl clothes into
boy clothes) then drove over to band practice
for a meeting -the band is undergoing changes.
also talking to a transwoman friend about entering
a talent contest, need to stop at the Townhouse friday
and try and find a real person to talk to.
It's late and I need to get some sleep  good night

I left class early to go to the clinic to get some blood drawn for some tests, and
that went a lot quicker than I thought possible  -so I'd worn my purplish abstract
pattern pencil skirt, dark purple velvet top and grey pumps with the buttons,
because I knew I'd be getting out of class early and so I could dress girly for
a change, and in one of those fortuitous moments there was a guest speaker
who was a recruiter with one of the railroads -and her own personal story
was about being a seriously overweight woman whop turned her life around,
and I thought that was kind of inspiring and seeing a woman get up and speak
before a group and be confidant and natural was kind of an encouraging
start for the morning, in the middle of her talk she'd mentioned that she didn't
care if a person was transgendered  (as an example) if they could do the job, and
she also mentioned how her company was looking for women engineers, because
as much as I'm  bouncing back and forth between boy and girl lately in a few months
or maybe half a year I'll be petitioning the court to change my gender status to female,
and so I could be one of those female engineers that are so hard to find - and I am
a very good engineer.  I think I joked about it once with my psychiatrist and was
told that that was one reason they'd turn you down - trying to use your gender change
for an unfair advantage or something, but there was a recent ad for an engineering position
I thought I'd apply for jut for fun -I'm well qualified and actually interviewed for the exact
same position a couple years ago and probably the  person they hired didn't work out -
anyways I was thinking the trans thing was a huge disadvantage, but as a future
female engineer that might be an advantage (I can picture coming to work,
on Monday, and the boss asking so Stacy are you a  woman yet,no well get on it,
we need you to be a woman.....how's that for being a loyal employee)

anyways so I'm going to apply for that job on-line and a couple janitorial type
jobs and see if I can get any interviews out of this.

well back in class and I was acting a little silly with the chatting with the guys

in class and getting in trouble for walking off the school grounds with a guy

during the 15 minute break - which is all very silly since we were just talking 

about some remodeling being done on a nearby house, but I'm having a few of

these teenage girl type incidents and getting in trouble for being bored and acting

silly and smiling and talking a bit, and I had a really unblemished record of always

being a good student before I went on hormones - maybe I'm just reading too

much into it

Otherwise I wore the capris and the brown animal print  top and brown flats

and for OJT did restroom cleaning which isn't as bad a sit sounds -we have gloves

and special brushes and towels and all that  -so it's not unsanitary at all, I will

be getting out early tomorrow so I wont be doing any OJT tomorrow and I'll

wear a nice skirt for my lab visit.

General Phone Photo silliness -that's a picture of a flashlight holder that my group
made in school -it's just supposed to give us familiarity with hand tools - we spent
a couple hours on it and I mean for three people who don't work with hand tools
and stuff we did OK, I think.

That's a picture of the Root Beer I had with my sandwich at Denny's the other day.
Like I said back in October I went to Denny's with a transwoman friend and was
amazed that she could just walk in sit down chat with the waitress, order a meal
all that like it was no big deal - well here I'm sitting down for an early dinner, reading
a textbook while I wait for the meal I've ordered -it's no big deal really
(I had on a really pretty black skirt and silver top)

While I was waiting for the job fair the other day I stopped at a park and took this
picture of the same black skirt and my legs - I really do have nice looking legs,
and this is the best view to see that, if you ask me. I always feel much more confidant
in a skirt and this is one of the reasons why

Like a lot of trans people I really don't like the way I look -it is so very masculine,

but I was born a man and did every thing I could to look and act like a man for 52 

years,, and surprise I look and act like a guy and I'm going to look and act like a guy 

in a lot of ways for a long time -keeping a smile on your face really does make you

look a lot better, even if you still look like a guy, and least you look like a fun person

that's a quirky little smile and very little makeup by that time of the day 

My band played at this park a couple months ago, right at this spot, I was in boy mode

on that day and the band still hadn't seen me in a dress, but they would get their chance

when I got us a gig to play Pride, and I showed up wearing a black dress (they knew I

would be dressing up)

These are two of my earliest photos back in October when I was first dressing up and

going out in public -I had previously lost 50 pounds but between when these pictures

where taken and the latest photos I've lost about 8 pounds and am about a year older,

so any changes are just from being under a lot less stress and feeling better about

myself, and knowing a litlle bit more about using makeup - from here on out, that's

going to be different because now some of the changes are going to be from the hormones

I've started on.

I decided to schedule a visit with my psychiatrist in the next week or two to talk about

some of the emotional changes one experiences going on hormones because it really does

start changing the way one thinks and I'm trying to get a little better handle on what me

thinking more like a woman really means -I'm not saying it's bad, but it is different.

Update -so I spent Labor Day with my parents at the Laughing Waters Bluegrass festival,

which went well other than I have to dress like a boy, and the Minnehaha Falls

are really mini right now -the falls are just a trickle, but the music was good , then

I went over to a musicians house and met some musician friends and as will happen

after eating a very good chicken meal we sat around in the living room and jammed,

so  it was a good day -Sunday I spent a lot of time with my dog and I should give her

more attention, so I was kind of making up for that, Saturday was my first musical drag 

performance at the Townhouse, so that was an amazing achievement in a way so all in 

all it was a really good weekend and if I hadn't had to delete someones name from 

contact list for being a (well I won't say the word) one too many times, and  my not

studying for my test Tuesday morning and I'm sorry but it's too late now, but otherwise

it was a really good weekend.

This is kind of cool actually - it's 7:46pm I'm at home getting ready
for the drag show I'm in tonight at the Townhouse in St Paul.  Barbara
called my musician partner, and we'll probably be on for our first set
around 10:30 -we have two six-minute sets,  right now I've got my
corset, hip pads, spanx figure control girdles, two pairs of panty
hose, a filled c-sized padded bra on, and  I've started to apply my
fish makeup (I don't have Drag makeup yet) I've got on concealer,
and a heavy layer of foundation, some blush, and a four-shade of
green eye shadow on.  I stopped to do my nails, and while my nails
are drying I'm writing this blog -then I'm going to apply a black eyeliner,
and mascara, lipstick, and put on my brunette wig, black dress and silver
sandals, grab my harmonicas, mic, amp and purse and go to my truck
drive to St Paul and relax and have a beer before the show starts
at 9:30

it's 7:57 in the city of Minneapolis, a city that never sleeps, my name is
Stacy, Stacy Wilderness, I'm a drag queen........

Actually Barbara heard us last week and asked if we wanted to be in the show,
and of course I jumped at the chance, but I'm still pretty new to all this drag stuff
and I do have to get ready.......

Update: the gig went really well, we did two six minute sets and the performance
went well -it was just me and a guitar playing/singing friend of mine and
I think a lot of people were surprised by how good we were, but tip wise
it wasn't very good - but it's the first time and Barbara said she wanted
us back (not sure if she meant ASAP or  sometime in the next few months,
but it was fun and we played very well)   there were a lot of friendly people
during the show -and it  really  brought home how important it is to be around
friendly, respectful people.